So Much

It's Friday and that's a good thing. I'm beat down physically and emotionally.

The Oakland house was so tiring. The situation there drained me emotionally. I wanted to vomit during the entire trip - the feeling didn't subside until the keys were changed and the windows were locked. Then, my nausea returned. Because of fear and sadness.

A close friend told me she found a lump in her armpit a few weeks ago. I immediately scheduled my overdue mammogram. My friend has breast cancer. She is the "rock" of the family and has melted - rather understandable. It is hard that I can't do anything. Can't make a meal for them, can't come by and clean the house, can't sit by her side after surgery, during chemo, through recovery, reconstructive surgery, through recovery. It's hard to be so far away.

I'm offering to help by organizing friends through Lotsa Helping Hands or some other site. Perhaps her family and friends will be self organized like my sister's friends were. This brings up stuff that is so difficult.

My body is responding to my mind and it's need to do it all (can't let things fall apart). My knee swelled up as I left Oakland late on Tuesday. When I got off the plane after midnight Wednesday morning, I felt as if I'd just run a half marathon even though I slept the entire flight. My knee ached with every step, I limped to the taxi station. Yesterday the swelling continued. As I got out of the shower, my lower back, the one that has sat me down before, twinged "SLOW DOWN on your own, LADY or I'll force you down for much longer than you'd like." I took two Aleve and went on about my day, swollen knee and back in pain.


This morning my knee isn't swollen and doesn't hurt. It may by the end of the day. My back is still smarts but I plan on taking Advil instead of Aleve. I'll leave work early to see Twig's dance camp performance, go with Wood to Grandma's doctor appointment where we'll follow up on her spine fracture and get the doctor to get her to let us help with her bowel incontinence issues at home and at her day program. Twig will be with Lion (isn't that cute) for a playdate. So weird - a family that also moved to Portland from Oakland. Such a small world. We'll come home, go to sleep and tomorrow I'll go to work real early to try to catch up from being gone two days and several hours more than I should have been. 


Right now, I'm going to get today started.