Flared Up

Yikes, my skin is a hot mess! I've got bumps and scabs everywhere. Fucking eczema.

It's not just that though. I hurt. My joints, my hips, my fingers, feet. Cramps from hell. Achy muscles. I think it's because I've been eating dairy. A lot of dairy - ice cream, cheese, whipped cream. All things that taste good. I've always been allergic and didn't eat it except periodically on pizza. Now I eat it all the time. Ding, ding, ding.

Twig is over tired and asking for my help. He needs food before he takes a shower. He doesn't know what he wants when it comes to food and it is so frustrating. I just want sleep. He's mad at me for my little outburst, having his own. Wood is in charge now. I'm going to bed.

Letting Off Steam

My husband went out with friends from work tonight - they saw a show. Some old-school rock band.

I heard him come in. I was exhausted tonight because my hormones are a-raging and fell asleep at about 8:30. When I heard him, it felt early. He was obnoxiously and differently loud. It was 10:30.

He's been in the bathroom for nearly 2 hours. Vomiting his guts out. Apologizing (almost as profusely as he's vomiting). He had 4 beers and a shot of something. Plus the contact high of the concert. Nothing for dinner, he said, and spicy food at lunch.

We're going camping tomorrow. My bathroom and bedroom smell. My husband is a lump of a mess on the bathroom floor. I'm not amused. Not angry but not exactly sympathetic either. Now I can't sleep. That's what pisses me off the most. My sleep is fucked up as it is. I was tired, now I'm wired. I'll pay the most for his lack of booze pace. He's going to suffer enough without me rubbing it in. This, I know. But damn it should be an interesting weekend. Good thing I'm a doer.

I saw two doctors today. Eczema of the girl parts and possibly yeast. Chronic, of course. The doctor was so awesome about it that I didn't feel a bunch of shame about it. Maybe mild shame. Shame for sure but I worked through it. Its unnecessary. The nurse said they see 3 people each day with yeast and related infections. That helped a lot.

Apparently, it looked like yeast but wasn't clearly yeast on the slides. So a culture was taken for a more sensitive test. If it is as I suspect, yeast, he will prescribe a 3-6 month course of weekly oral yeast meds.  The eczema gets the strongest cortisone ointment available three times a day for at least two months. Only the top of the line for me. A follow up at the end of the two months of aggressive treatment and the knowledge that this may be a recurring issue that will require periodic aggressive treatment... Okay, I'm here, I'm ready... I don't want to have what feels like a constant episiotimy any more. Fuck that. I deserve to NOT be in constant pain. I owe this to myself.

The dermatologist wasn't concerned about the rest of my skin. She suggested using the steroid cream when I have flare-ups. They're everywhere right now - on my neck, back, arms, chest, legs... They start out like yeast bumps and get itchy and since I come from a long line of pickers, I itch and scratch until they are a scabby mess. I need a better skincare regimen. Starting tomorrow (or is it today, Wood?) daily moisturizing of my entire body. Again, I need to care for myself. I deserve to be healthy and pain free.

The spot on my eyebrow that showed up and grew quickly over the past few weeks is just a little scaly growth. Nothing to worry about but she froze it off anyway. She gets the picking part of me. This is one area I don't feel weird about caring for. I have a bit of vanity tucked way down deep. Plus skin cancer is a real problem for a pasty white girl such as me.

Monday is the podiatrist - for these aching feet that makes it nearly impossible to walk. I don't want it to be plantar fasciitis. Another regimen sounds taxing. Then it's off to the pulmonologist to keep my lungs working. More medication, self-care routines that I hate. But a conversation about medication and it's possible effect/contribution to yeast and eczema will ensue.

Self-care, self-care, self-care. We all need more of it.

The end.

Serious

Whew, what a whirlwind of a week!

Twig is in Guys & Dolls and the show opens tonight! Whew, I'm so glad it's almost over. But even more glad that I've had this time to be with my boy, to do carpool duty, be backstage support, and build costumes for the intermission bit the kids will do. Mostly I've enjoyed being with my boy. Even when he's being a lippy little snit.

Today is Second-Interview-Friday. I'm a top tier candidate invited back for a second look. This will be my second opportunity to assess the supervisor and team culture, and subsequently my fit for the job.

It seems like a good fit. The job isn't difficult - I'm pretty sure it would be easy, almost boring; it's writing and process stuff. My big concerns are about personality and culture related to expectations. The interpersonal stuff. I want to fit well, do good work, and be left alone, unless I don't want to be, you know?

It's a good paying job. Great benefits. Fantastic commute. Nice offices. Supervisor and other people seem like genuine, good, honest people. The interview was good. It felt easy, right. My gut told me it was the job for me when I applied. I have hesitation. Because my last gig was so horrible? It was different, I knew that one (supervisor) was wrong and did it anyway. She tried and failed, too.

This is different. I DO have a choice. If chosen, I'll do it.

And do it well.

In Through The Nose

Out through the mouth.

I have a job interview this morning. For a job I want.

The universe knows if it is the right job for me. I will know soon, too.

My former boss left her Executive Director position. Former colleagues have kept me in the loop. I'm still sure that leaving for the other job, despite the fact that it didn't work out, was the best decision for me. I was so unhappy there.

Now, I am open to what I want: a support role, quality work, supportive colleagues, good working environment, meaningful work. Pay. Retirement benefits.

Okay, off to make this a reality!