Placebo?

Today marks two weeks of being on the antidepressant Venlafaxine (Effexor). The lowest dose possible taken each morning with food. Here's what I've noticed:

About an hour after I take it I get a bit "heady". Spacy, tired, or something along those lines. Hard to describe. And a bit of dry mouth that lands on my throat and sinuses. Makes me feel a bit "gaggy".

It all wears off by mid morning and I'm able to focus on the activities of the day with more focus than usual. With the exception of the second or third day of the medicine in which I had an intense bout of anxiety that lasted nearly an hour, I'm calm, able to organize my thoughts and words, interested in leaving the house, and in relatively zero pain!

Well, I am a bit uncomfortable from being constipated but that's nothing new. My colon has long held on too tight.

So, I don't lack emotional fortitude. It's an honest-to-goodness physical-brain thing. Which is at the same time comforting and disconcerting.

My doctor has said I don't need to take the medicine forever. My mind is already planning on when to try to get off of it. My other mind says slow down and ride the wave for a minute. Let your body rest. Let your mind find some new coping tools. Let it sink into your bones. Slow down!

Placebo or not, it feels good.

So Far

So good.

I've had dry mouth induced nausea each day for a couple of days. It lasts a while but eventually calms down. Nite to self: Increasing water intake should help.

Yesterday I had a bit of a panic for no apparent reason so I took a break alone instead of pushing through. It took a long time to come down.

I'm as tired as usual but the pain may be less than it was earlier this week. Could it be working? Could it be working that fast? 

Mornings haven't been as painful and I've had thoughts of what I need/want to do in the morning. Follow through, not as much but maybe on the uptick?!

Today I'm writing while I test the couch position that is most common, super uncomfortable and always makes me hurt when I get up. So far, my knees aren't screaming at me.

Okay, I should get to my morning.

😊

The Plunge

The pain I've been experiencing for some time now has reached its tipping point. Third visit to the doctor in less than a year for continuing leg pain and now joint pain feels a bit hopeless. Hopeless isn't the right word but it's all that comes to mind.

It's an antidepressant and is very often used to treat myalgia, in this case, the diagnosis. And you, my dear readers, are well aware that depression could possibly be the culprit as well. I openly admitted to the doctor that depression is a real likely thing. If I'm honest, it's probably *the* thing - I'm farther down the rabbit hole of disinterest, doing less than the bare minimum at home and squandering any free time I do have with tv or listening to stories or isolating myself than I can remember ever being before. Seeing it here is kinda frightening and forces me away from discounting it by saying "I'm not hopeless, or suicidal or feeling horrible all the time". On the other hand I'm not enjoying much. I'm sitting back watching life busy doing it's thing. There are some great moments for sure but moreover I feel disconnected and a bit numb. Yeah, that's *the thing* called depression, isn't it?

First dose of Effexor today. I noticed dry mouth and a headache.

I agreed to take the lowest possible dose and see if it works. Just like the IUD, if I don't like it or it doesn't work for me, I'll stop. It's quite simple, really.

I'll keep you posted.