Today SUCKED

Most of it, anyway.

Started the day feeling weepy so I cried before even getting out of bed.

Wood yelled at me for *get this* dropping him off a block away from his office. He had the nerve to tell me it was unreasonable to do so.

My vacation was *nearly* thwarted and it put my blood pressure dangerously high for the entire day. On edge I guess.

One staff on vacation. One sick for the past two days. The third, of four, overly emotional for no reason. Lifted something too heavy EVEN THOUGH I SAID NOT TO, and landed herself at the doctor. An event unstaffed. A direct service person no showed a shift, the client yelled at me, another quit via TEXT message. And my mom called all stressed out. Which stressed me out.

It was a really rough day. Tomorrow is a fresh start. Crossfit in the morning - I joined the crossfit gym and committed for a year. And I spoke with my sweet Twig who sounds like he's having such a good time. And Wood apologized when I explained how hurt I was and that it makes me feel sad to think he regards me in a way that he can treat me so poorly.

Never ALL bad. But VERY tiring. Exhausting.

You Can't Make Me

I wish it were as simple as that.

I don't want to go to work. To argue, write, research, think and do stuff that I'm not really interested or invested in. Besides, it feels like nobody likes me or cares for the work I do and I'm exhausted by it. All of it.

I wanna run away from it. But there aren't enough sick days in the bank. And my resume isn't getting any love.

Sigh.

Overtired Asthmatic

It's been a while since I've posted. No real reason for not doing so. I check the posts of my favorite writers almost daily but I haven't had much time to write myself. Well then, there is a real reason.

This week has been tough. My lungs are upset and acting out. I exercised at home the other day, and although it was an exercise routine of 7 minutes, I started wheezing and was absolutely exhausted afterward. As in, I just want to go to sleep, it's 9am and I've been awake for only 3 hours but I have to get ky kid to school and go make some bacon.

It got me thinking about my level of exhaustion. Like I can't remember when I wasn't exhausted lately. Okay - more like I've been pooped for a good long time - fog brain at work, hitting the coffee twice a day, too tired to clean in the mornings or make lunches, ready for bed as soon as I get home (so microwave yourself some leftovers I'm sitting down). Fend for yourselves, people.

Many days, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I often force myself to go to the gym. Yes, I usually feel better once I'm moving around. But afterward I just want to sit and be still. The wheezing tipped me off to the fact that I'm not my total-badass-self anymore, doing more before 9am than most people do all day and it might be my asthma. Okay, my untreated asthma. Asthma that for several years, up until about last March, was medicated with some pretty heavy duty drugs to keep it controlled.

After the wheezing, I tested my breathing and noticed that it was about 100 points below my optimal - 325ish instead of 450. After the nebulizer treatment I felt shaky from the drugs but more alert and able to focus. Until the treatment wore off about 4 hours later. I pushed through the day and treated again in the evening. Shaky at first but slept like a champ. Treated again before working out. Pushed hard but the asthma really slows me down. In retrospect, even when walking only a couple of blocks at a quick clip.

Maybe, just maybe, I need to head to the pulmonologist and see if I can do this with less drugs than before.

More later. I'm tired now and if all goes well, I can get 2 more hours of sleep in before forcing myself to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.