Yawn

I'm tired.

The paperwork said to get plenty of rest the week prior to surgery. I've been burning the candle at both ends. Staying awake late to meet deadlines, getting up early to keep house, exercising multiple times a week for at least two hours at a time, planning as many social activities as possible. Amid all of the craziness I even took some time off of work. Not because I wanted to, more like because I had to. But, I decided to approach the day different than usual. No, no, no, I didn't have a leisurely day planned. Instead, I decided to do the fun stuff first.

And it worked! Twig and I had a lot of fun and then he was able to keep himself occupied AND help me with housework (he's a master of dusting and dishes despite the broken bowl). It was nice to be able to redirect his "bad" behavior and actually get the response I was looking for. He seems to be quite satisfied with our time together too.

We're having company for dinner and I have no interest in finishing the cleaning, no desire to cook. But I do want to spend time with our friends. So I'll suck it up and make frozen pizza or something equally easy to prepare and clean up...

Been thinking about my dad a lot lately. Want to write something about him but it's not quite there. I'm hoping that next week I'll feel energetic enough - and not too loopy - to write to him. I miss him a lot and often feel sad that we didn't talk for about 10 years before he died. He was a stubborn cuss though and I tried a meager try as it were.

Two Trips to the Vending Machine

Oh, Mrs. Frreshley how I covet your no trans fat per serving creme filled doesn't really taste like chocolate ccupcakes. To the tune of 4 today.

I'm stressed that I'm going to have surrgery a week from Thursday and there iss always so much undone at the end of each day. I feel the most displeasure when the undone thngs incclude not returning phone calls to friends (so sorry J & B & J) and that I struggle to keep up with their excitement, acccomplishments and milestones (birthday cards, holiday cards & the like unsent) that supporting other friends through their daily struggles doesn't come as easily as it once did (Miss P).

Spring has sprung and that always reminds me that everything is always changing and that I should remember to be gentle on me too. Gentle isn't my strongest personality trait. So I self medicate with vending machine food that labels itself as cupcakes. After a two hour workout last night I can get away with it. For today.

Happy Anniversay

Seven. Offiicially, that is. Ten total.

We're in Calistoga celebrating in an olympic sized swimming pool, mud baths and full session masages. And cucumber-lemon water to clean out all the othe stuff.

Sheer luxury and leisure. The last time we were here was 9 years ago. Wow, how time flies when you're having fun!

I hope to post 'The Anti-Socialite' - or how bad I am at maintaining friendships because of my husband, child, house, exercise rroutine, cooking fetish, full-time job and other excuses I'd like to denounce because they get in the way of meaningful adult relationships and I think I'm a putz for not keepingg in touch more regularly - post soon. Shit, I volunteered to do some school auction stuff and that will keep me busy for the next few weeks... maybe not doing soon, just more thinking about it...

Happy Anniversary

Wood and I are celebrating our 7 year wedding anniversary this week... We're dropping Twig off at Bam's house and heading to the spa. What bourgeois yuppies we are. One night, 2 mud baths, swimming in the olympic size pool, massages and cucumber water, and fine dining for several meals sans kid... here I come!

Happy Friday!

It's Friday!

And I've been waiting all week for today!

Whew, I have been lots more tired this week than usual. My sleep has been disturbed a lot lately for no apparent reason. Lat night however, I slept like a log. Maybe it was the beer. Or the late - - almost midnight - - bedtime that helped... Who cares? I slept for something like 5 hours n a row and that is huge in my world.

I've also been having more than usual shortness of breath lately when carrying as little as 20 lbs. Usually when walking to and from my office... I think my tiredness has something to do with my COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease - chronic Bronchitis in my case). Unfortunately it is a progressive disease that can be managed but not cured. My fear of drowning to death will someday come true, I'm afraid. I will eventually come to be okay with that prospect.

The diagnosis came a little more than a year ago when I just couldn't bounce back from a cold and later couldn't walk anywhere or carry anything without being extremely short of breath. With my history of smoking, recurrent bouts with lung infections and other issues - most notably the need for oral steroids for a lung infection while I was pregnant, and pretty much every cold since then with no significant improvement over several months of seeing many different doctors and trying many different medication regimes, there it is. Upon meeting my (beloved) pulmonologist and hearing him say I'd be taking inhaled medicine for the rest of my life and that I needed to exercise to stay healthy, it hit home real hard. Actually, it became real for the first time.

I'm late for a work meeting so more on this and my fabulous anniversary weekend plans later. Sorry for the typos, I'm on my smart phone, blogging from the parking lot. No spell check option here!

Hump Day

Is it Friday yet?

Sleep sucked again last night; my boy, my body/breathing and my brain all getting in the way. Not 100% sure what exactly is getting in the way to make this a regular occurrence...

On a brighter note, these longer days are nice even if they are cold, cold, cold. And we did get the public school choice we wanted for Twig! We are now planning to take him out of preschool in late June for a series of summer camp sessions that will include a swimming camp, gymnastics, outdoor science camp, and very likely a Mandarin and/or Spanish immersion camp.

Work finds me soon taking on more responsibilities (gladly). And exercise, eating, etc. are going well enough. My body has decided that fatty foods, alcohol and sugar will cause great allergic reaction (swelling of hands and feet) so I'm looking at and actively making significant dietary changes. Not a bad thing, not a bad thing at all.

My lungs are acting badly lately... My sinuses are too but I am scheduled to have those surgically addressed at the end of the month. It's all okay overall but every now and again, I'm confronted with my health in ways that I don't like. I'm reminded that my lungs will be deteriorating over time... It makes me feel sad, weak and depressed but, I just charge ahead despite my fears and anxieties about the future. After all, I'm relatively healthy now and that is all that matters for the time being.

And my family is healthy too. Life really is pretty darn good!

How Do You Figure?

I slept for almost 11 hours last night. At 11 am today I was still yawning. What gives? Granted, i% was not without sleep interruptions. The boy has been sleeping in his own bed for two months or more. I've been using a homeopathic sleep aid. And I'm still exhausted.

I just don't understand.

insomnia

Maybe it's my husband's incessant snoring that keeps me awake at night... not the caffeine...

Fine, it's both.

Either way I find it annoying to be awake while everyone else is peacefully sleeping. The snoring makes it hard to fall back to sleep and when it's especially annoying (like tonight) it makes me mad. Which doesn't help the relaxation process either.

I'm sure I'm mad about something else. Just haven't worked it out yet. Although, the fact that I've been (pending post on the subject written this morning so will show up after this post when finally published at a reasonable hour on Sunday) parenting an over tired and physically demanding kid for the past couple of weeks might have something to do with my generally pissy demeanor. Add in being awake at 1am after cleaning up the pee accident, which came after the getting ready for bed fight which came after the getting dressed for ballet and not one but two birthday parties today fights (it really was a great day), you can see why I'm feeling a little possessive of my rest time.

Mmmkayyy, now it's time to take back my night. Sweet dreams and thanks for reading!

Spine of Steel, Heart of Stone

A friend once gave me the sage advice about parenting. "Spine of Steel, Heart of Stone", she said. It was certainly during one of those times when the boy was being what I like to call 'extra, extra'.

He's been pushing all of my buttons these last few weeks. Playing instead of getting dressed, not answering when I ask a question or give direction. While those things are to be expected when child rearing, they do kind piss me off when they have been the norm for such a while (or at least what feels like such a long time - these are recurring issues). But there is one thing that really, I mean really makes me angry and that is his violence. Acting as if he will be violent with dirty looks, stances, and even props. Sometimes it's not just for show, he actually karate kicks me or punches me. And every time we have these altercations, he gets hurt. Take today as an example.

He didn't want to change his tights (he takes ballet and the tights he was wearing had a hole in them.) He didn't want to change and didn't until I helped. Soon thereafter he wasn't answering my questions so I sent him to his room for the customary time out. Which made him more angry. Since he was trying to shoot me with fiddlesticks, punching me as I tried to walk out of the room, he tried to snatch them out of my hands and quickly turned around for his departure and ran into the corner of his dresser. OUCH! His shoulder screaming and tears flowing but he was now able to listen.

There are moments I think I should simply beat the crap out of him. Seems that reason isn't working on him. Truth is I need to go to my happy place when this stuff comes up. I'm beat down. Truly beat down. For now that is. I'll get it back soon enough - without any child abuse. Mark my words.

Yawn

I know better than do drink caffeinated beverages and yet, in my infinite wisdom in following the natural healing book, I drank green tea yesterday.

Woke up at 1am, unable to go back to sleep until 4:30am - or something equally outrageous. And then the alarm roused me at 6am.

Worked all day and got a lot done. But in the afternoon, my lungs said NO to more activity tonight. No boot camp. Sleep. But I had to ask Wood to give me permission to take a night off. "lots of goo coming out of my lungs, even after taking medicine, I need permission to listen to my body and rest today". He was gentle and supportive; here I am feeling slightly guilty for not doing more than writing despite him being correct.

Tomorrow I will have more energy. Like I did over the weekend. I will pick up an extra exercise session when my body is less fatigued. If my body is less fatigued. I will run on Saturday.

For now, I will change out of my work clothes and cuddle with the boy on the couch. Because I can!