What Are You Doing Now?

I'm off duty for a while this afternoon. Wood was at an all day training so he's outside with Twig and the neighborhood kids being the adult supervision as they ride bikes and act like the kids that they are.

I'm simultaneously drinking a glass of red wine, simmering Beef Shank for "Like French Onion Soup", browning tofu for tonight's dinner of Tassajara Tofu Cabbage Grill fooling around on the computer [by the way, are you on facebook yet? please send me a friend request if you know my non-pen name].

My Asthma is bad lately; new medications are working for short bursts of time and it's kinda got me down. I hate to take drugs and right now I'm taking many of them and several times a day.

We went to the tax man last week and learned that all of the working our asses off to get money in the bank was good - only in that we aren't in the red come April 15th, 2009. We made a fair amount of money last year and because we have little in reserves it feels as if we are living hand to mouth - paycheck to paycheck. And it kinda freaks me out a bit. I'll manage. We'll manage. Even though we're like 90% of the rest of the United States, we've both got our jobs and we've all got health insurance. And I've planted a garden. We're resourceful people and we can do anything we set our minds to.

Which reminds me. I haven't recently told you of my weight loss expedition. I've been at it since way back in August when I realized, out of sheer necessity, on a shopping excursion, that my bra size was a 34DDD. Yes, folks that is a TRIPLE D. READ: Thank you Nordstrom Lingerie Department for simply revealing the fact that I have really freaking big boobs. Now, you may say that it's not a big deal. Lots of people have big boobs. Hey now; I am not a tall woman - in sheer inches - a 34DDD was stretching it a bit. After all, I haven't been breastfeeding for more than 2 years.

A couple of serious self-talk conversations later and I's at a WeightWatchers meeting. Okay, I really got some support from Wood too and now...

I've lost nearly 20 lbs. But as of this afternoon, only one D.

I'm on a mission to lose 15 or so more lbs and two D's. Stay tuned.

Chicken Payback

Fun, fun, fun!

Alter Ego Found in a Google Search...

"Wonelle became, like so many other vigilantes before her, an overzealous defender of peace and justice. Her sense of just ice compels her to take bounties only on those who fit her definition of evil, but her Hippocratic Programming prevents her from lethally damaging her quarries."

April suggested in a recent post that you type in “[your name] looks like” (among other things) in a Google search and see what you get. Wonelle isn't as common as say April in the name category and most of my search results came back with my Conversations blog posts. But the one above was kinda cool. Especially because it's supposedly a fictional gaming character with special character abilities. And I don't do gaming. At all.

More Random Things About Me

While cleaning out the 'drafts' folder of my email-box yesterday, I ran across this random things list that I wrote - some time ago - in response to a post on someone else's blog, I think. Even though I posted another "Random Things About Me" post recently, I decided to add this one as well because it was rather interesting to see how similar the two were. And how different they are too. Maybe people that know me already know these things. Or, maybe I'm more #11 than I'd like to admit to myself....

1. I'm addicted to reading It's Friday...
2. It took me a very long to remember some things that happened in the year 1989. But once I did, I remembered that it was a turning point year for me.
   
3. I reflect a lot, suffer despite it, and more often than not, focus on the negative stuff.
4. I've tackled a few nasty demons in my lifetime.
5. I don't think I'm negative by nature, I think those demons sometimes get the best of me. Despite them I laugh, love and enjoy life.
6. I have lot's of my own philosophies and I'll share them with you if you want. Like this one: you can ask me any question you want however, I reserve the right to not answer it. Oh yeah, I'll share my philosophies with you even if you don't want.
7. People will often describe me as Sassy. Or Difficult or Bitchy or intense, or something equally negative. I agree to being all of those things and more - they're some of my better qualities.
8. I always tell the Truth. Even if it stings. Sometimes even when it's not in my best interest to do so.
9. I've been learning to hold my tongue. Even if it hurts. Especially if it's in someone else's best interest for me to do so.
10. Some people often annoy me to no end. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
11. Yea, there are moments that I'm full of myself.
12. For many years I had a bumper sticker on my car that said "the more people I meet, the more I like my cat".
13. Sometimes I'm lonely.
14. The best thing I ever did was talk myself into a low-paying part-time receptionist job at a start-up new-media school.
15. I met this really cool guy there. Actually, I met more than one cool guy there - but I met the most important cool guy of my life because I worked there.
16. The next best thing I did was make a killer bare handed catch and throw as catcher to throw the runner out first base. That's when my Boyfriend knew he'd be my Husband. It was glorious on both accounts.
17. To date, the day my Husband and I got married was the single best day of my life.
18. My Husband revels in my sassiness and I revel in him because of it.
19. From the time I was really young, I wanted to be married and have 4 Boys.
20. Just before I found out that I was pregnant, I thought seriously that my Husband and I could be happy without kids.
    
21. I was relieved (actually, elated) when the Ultrasound Technician said the baby was a boy.
22. For me, being a Mom isn't and hasn't been all it's cracked up to be.
23. My mom was, but wasn't, a Fabulous Mom. She was a wreck. Still is.
24. I was severely depressed for the first two years of my son's life. Not so much anymore.
25. Breastfeeding was horrible.
26. My kid is one of the best people I've ever met. Not because he came from me, either. I could tell when I was pregnant he was something special (and probably going to be a drummer).
    
27. I want to be a Fabulous Mom. No... I want my son to think of me as a Fabulous Mom.
28. Catty girls (or women), cliques, and the like don't do it for me. Play straight and fair or prepare to be told about yourself.
29. I'll avoid a fight whenever possible. Except when I can't. After those fights, I'll try to make sense of the senselessness.
30. Some days, I miss being lonely. And being able to go to the gym whenever I want, and to take a shower alone, and read books all day and all night long, and do art, and have sex with reckless abandon like I once did.
31. My favorite move of all time is the Black and White version of Elephant Man.
    
32. Growing up my initials were MR. The kids teased me and said I was Mentally Retarded.
    
33. The better part of my career has been working with people considered to be Mentally Retarded. I'm not special or patient for working with "those" people, thank-you-very-much. Please don't say that - I think it's just plain rude.
34. Once, when I was hungry, I decided to try Sushi. I figured, "I've never tried Japanese food before". Sushi is my favorite food on the face of the earth! Well, so far. I'll try just about anything once. Food is good.
35. The Sushi Chef that fed me Japanese food for the first time walked me down the aisle.
    
36. I love a good adventure.
    

Tuckered...

I'm not angry anymore. It's interesting what a bit of time can do. Well, time and a good temper-tantrum.

Wood has agreed to give up a bit of responsibility in one thing in order to take on some more in another. Apparently I will not even notice the other (newest) obligation as meetings will take place during the workday.

Fine. Really; in my heart of hearts I know he wants to partake in additional activities that will improve his professional standing. And in all honesty, I want to support that. It's just hard to adjust to the changes.

What is a real struggle lately is the rage - yes, an unadulterated and fierce rage - emanating from our most adorable 4.5 year old. We aren't sure exactly where it comes from but when it does, it's complete with running, throwing, hitting, kicking, spitting, and biting. It's generally directed at me. It's generally something that lasts longer than I have energy for. And it's an emotional roller coaster.

My reproductive dreams aren't recurring lately. They are quelled by my husband's seeming unwillingness to discuss the subject of a 'numero dos' and the anger of Twig; the fear that we don't have what it takes to manage him as it is, and the wonder that surfaces sometimes after our super-duper intense start-and-stop-on-a-dime battles with him: will the bi-polar disorder my father had be present in the life of my offspring?

At the same time I feel stronger than I've felt in a while. My asthma which has been terribly out of control for months now seems to be responding to new medication. My husband seems to be in sync with his feelings of wanting to move on from his current employer - and willing to act on those feelings. I've been working out a few times a week - even lost 17 lbs (only about 17 more to go) - and my back pain seems to be a bit less intense.

But I'm beat. More literally than otherwise. I wonder if tomorrow there will be bruises on my face or simply remnants of my bruised ego. I'm gonna sleep on it and get back to you later.

Delayed Reaction: Furious

I'm furious.

Exactly which part of "Don't you DARE [take on another elected position/work responsibility]!" do you think didn't get through?

Every last freaking bit of it.

It took me almost a full day to become one with it. But man am I pissed.

He said he called to tell them he couldn't do it. But she already put his name on the ballot. Asked him to run anyway and if he won to resign. She was worried that they would run unopposed if he didn't.

What was he supposed to do? That was his question of me. And I didn't even get mad when he said it. I knew in my heart of hearts that he wanted to do it.

Clearly she saw him coming a mile away: New, young guy that probably wants to go places. I can rope him in...

She did just that. Their slate ran un-freaking-opposed. He was a god-damned shoe in.

Worst part of it all: my husband does not resign.

So I'm seeing red: again, family comes second. Or at least that's how it seems. And again, home comes last.

Now, even if we wanted to, we don't have the time to take a vacation. Finish the 'Man Room', socialize, or anything else that doesn't resemble work.

Whoever that b*tch is that manipulated my husband into doing this - I swear I'll beat her ass when I meet her.

Oh, he's gonna get it, too. Don't you worry.

25 Random Things About Me...

I've never participated in a Meme, until now. When it came my way, I almost didn't do it. It felt weird at first. But then as I considered it more, it began to become interesting...to think about what random things 1) other people might find interesting and 2) that I'd really like to share about myself on the internet. It got my mind working and my fingers typing, writing something that isn't work related. It was kinda fun.

Since I finished, I've been thinking that the idea writing of "25 random things about me" could be modified (thanks to a couple of friends) to write 25 things about a particular person, point in time, or subject - to really remember something important - and then use it as a starting off point for a story. Yeah. A story.

Please feel free to write your own 25 things and share. That would be interesting, too.

1. I found myself when I found myself in Fresno.

2. I'm a "glass half-empty" kinda gal. It's not really my nature to be that way. It's really the way of my nurture.

3. I met my dad at a Walgreen's Coffee Shop in a shopping Mall when I was 11 years old.

4. In 1985 I was the only - and probably the first ever - girl to take wood shop in my high school. The instructor "Dick" (No, really), had to re-think his response to kids asking to go to the bathroom when it came to me. He realized that he couldn't tell me to put a rubber band on it.

5. In high school also I drove a $300 puke orange 1971 Ford Pinto (yes, the kind that exploded if rear-ended), partook in a few less than desirable activities, dated a guy 5 years older than me, and worked in a toy shop as a gift wrapper.

6. My step-dad would never stop to let me go to the bathroom when we were on family road-trips. No matter how much I cried, begged, and pleaded. He'd say "at the next exit" and every time, he'd pass it by. I thought he was being a mean, horrible, and awful person. Then I grew up and began to understand what it must have been like to be an interracial couple in the 70's.

7. It felt good to be on television spouting liberalism while at the same time serving country club folk who underwrote, in the form of automatic 18% gratuities, my non-work time activities. Yes it did.

8. Boys are better than girls. Mostly. There are a few exceptions.

9. I share my birthday with George Carlin, Burt Bacharac, Florence Nightingale, Katharine Hepburn, and one of my best friends - Bridget.

10. My BEFRI talked me into attending community college. She convinced me that the toy-shop gig wasn't going to take me where I wanted to go. Despite the fact that I had no idea where the hell that was...

11. Growing up, the library was my sanctuary. I love telling my son: "we can find out more about that - I'm sure there's a book at the library."

12. Can you imagine, playing the flute (2nd chair), smoking cigarettes, and being asthmatic...concurrently?

13. I like rules, boundaries, and structure. Except when it doesn't suit me. And it used to not suit me most of the time. I'm a little older and wiser now.

14. This meme thing has been a great way to practice remembering.

15. I blog in relative anonymity. I want to write my story and have it read in relative celebrity. I'd love to get comments from readers more often (although, I adore the ones I get from a couple of regular readers!).

16. I'm the oldest of 6; 3 are siblings by marriage and 2 by blood. But technically, I'm an only child.

17. Being called a "disobedient wench" was one of the best compliments I've ever received.

18. I once saw a tarot reader who said I'd be very lucky throughout my life. Past, present, future - she was right on.

19. The best day of my life was the day I married Wood. I make a conscious decision to be married every waking moment of every day. Because we can make 'this' be anything we want it to be. That's the benefit of having few good role models. You know what you don't want to do.

20. I'm competitive. Mostly with myself. I often strive to be a type B+ personality.

21. I want to travel the world. Anywhere - everywhere...

22. I have a dream of living in NY, NY.

23. Pregnancy, labor, delivery, and breastfeeding were the most difficult things I've ever done with my body.

24. Whenever considering names for a child it is important to test not only the way the full name sounds in the fit of a parent's anger, but also in the fit of a lover's passion. They grow up and do grown up things after all.

25. You can ask me anything you want to. And while I'll very likely answer any questions with complete and utter honesty, I always reserve the right to refuse to answer. Just in case.

26. I'm not good at following rules. I'll probably keep adding to this list. Maybe someday it'll be 100 random things about me...

Thanks for reading.