Sunday Visit

Like every weekend, we visited grandma today. Earlier in the morning than usual because we had plans to take Twig to Seattle to see a baseball game. Tomorrow's his birthday and the A's are on their way to the World Series, so, here we are, visiting grandma earlier in the day than usual.

She seemed like her normal self at first. But after breakfast, she called us into her room and proceeded to tell us that the people there are trying to poison her, that she's scared because she's being left alone, and wants to come live with us. It was quite the scene. She's agitated and tells us she's sure we think she's crazy. She talks for a minute while fidgeting. Cross her leg, uncross her leg. Reposition herself in the chair, then get up and walk to the kitchen to be sure the caretaker is still there. Return to tell us that she's been left alone again. To which we reassure her she is okay, and that the woman with the baby is still there and will not leave. It's all happening in her head and she's the only one living in that head.

This causes Wood much stress and anxiety. He gets angry at her behavior and irrational line of thinking. She picks up on his anger and continues anyway. She can't help it. She's confused and she doesn't remember what she's saying it doing.

I asked the caretaker to give her a Trazadone in the hopes that she would calm down a bit. Especially given the fact that the regular caregiver wasn't home and we were leaving for the day.

Grandma called just as we were entering Seattle. Three hours later and the agitation and line of thought was the same. Perhaps the Trazadone wasn't the right thing to do to help. Perhaps there is nothing that we can do to help.

Change

Our building just sold. We've known for the past few months that this would happen. It's been really hard for me. I've got a lot if feelings about it. Unresolved loss, lack of transition closure and too much unplanned change in our lives I suppose.

If I list it, it's impressive. In about 3 years time this has happened:

-husband moves to Portland
-child goes to kindergarten
-house gets burgalarized
-nephew gets cancer
-niece gets born
-me & twig move to Portland
-grandma gets surgery
-grandma gets Alzheimer's diagnosis
-grandma plans to move into independent living place in Portland
-grandma moves in with us
-we move to accommodate grandma living with us
-twig acts out, violently at times
-grandma breaks her spine in a freak bus accident
-I have unexpected appendix surgery and the same week, a weird mammogram result and torn cartilage in my knee
-I have an almost hospital worthy asthma episode
-grandma moves to a group home
-we move to a new place
-twig hates second grade
-I get a new job

I'm over going with the flow. I'm tired and I want it to be simple and quiet.

Time to sleep.

Healing

Mind, body and soul are all on the mend.

I have some brain power to think about what I want for myself, my family, our lives - long and short term.

My body is doing well. I'm sleeping through the night. Despite waking with headaches in the mornings (allergies, me thinks), I'm hungry for food. The small biopsy wound on my arm is healing (no call from the dermatology office this week as promised, I'll check in again next week) and my hair is growing in. I've got "whispies" where there have been none for a long time. My nails are growing quickly, they are peeling, too (there really is no reason to do dishes and clean!). I care not.

Libido and an ability to laugh is present where it had gone missing. I have hopes and dreams where I once felt suffocated. I'm feeling capable of starting exercise again.

Life is good.