What I Really Want for Christmas

Dear Universe,

I know you're a bit different than Santa but I just have to try. We have been ripping and roaring for a while now and it's catching up to us. Wood and I both had steep throat a couple of weeks ago and yesterday I yanked my back something fierce. We are so overdone that our health is starting to take a hit and we can't have that! We need a couple of minutes to catch up and catch our breath.

Lately it has been one thing after another, one BIG thing after another, and by after another I mean stacked on top of one another. I can handle only 1 thing at a time and I can't power through like I once did.  So, I need your help.

Yes, I know it's the holidays and that makes everything move more quickly. And that you're really busy. It's just that we can't move any faster than we already do. Can you help keep our stuff together and quiet for a while? Work, kid, gramma, house, cars, finances, etc. I don't want to be greedy but having everything be a bit boring would be nice for a change.

We need a break, please. We need rest. Relaxation. No illnesses. The opportunity to catch up with family, connect with friends new and old, do our jobs, meet our financial obligations and be present in our lives. To slow down and see this world a bit. The finished product will be so much better.

Thank you for your time and consideration, universe!

Love,

Wonelle

Saturday Blues

I wrote a great post from my phone this morning but it got lost before it was published. Since it was before 6am when I was writing, I can't even remember what I wrote about. Our rental property has had me busy most of the weekend. Weatherstripping, nuts and bolts, screwing doors shut. Today was labeling "trash" in the yard (more on the quotation marks later), cleaning up, organizing people to do work, and throwing my back out. Yep, when I was wrestling with the gate my back tweaked and I'm in a not so good way right now. Two Aleve and I'm able to walk, drive, pick up light objects, etc. but lifting my suitcase tomorrow is going to be a bit of a challenge. I'm already planning for asking a lot of strangers for assistance. Being with friends is good. Very, very good. Familiar, warm, comfortable. But being in the city isn't as good as I remember. Drivers are more agressive than I remember, people aren't as warm - heck, half of them don't even look you in the eye. It's a stark transition from the new life we lead in a sleepy small town that has only smatterings of real city life. It's a bit embarrassing, to be so acutely aware of and disgusted by how focused I feel I have to be here. How so much of what is good about the city that I love is also so bad about it. How soft we've become in our new environment. I run at 5am, in the dark, alone. And I don't feel afraid. I'm aware that I probably should be afraid. That if I were in Oakland I wouldn't even consider running alone in the dark. At any time of the day. I just remembered what this mornings post was about: Cold - how I was not warm and fuzzy with my tenant during this signing of the new lease. How my voice waivered and crackled in the beginning but after a few minutes of her not engaging I was able to move through the process as quickly as possible. How thought, I didn't leave anything unturned - every light switch, every lock, every faucet was tested. Every everything (mostly) was documented. I wasn't mean but I was cold. You know that saying "you

The Right Direction

I continue to mourn the changes we've experienced over the past year. Things like a great boss and an opportunity for advancment, having close friends and family close by, knowing how to get to just about anywhere in the area. But, being home, in my home, that I rent to someone else now, has helped to solidify that I am totally okay with the moves we've made. I don't miss our house as much as it the idea of our home and things like a great boss, close friends and family close by. The truth is, I'm okay with the house being an investment instead of being invested in it. I'm still mad about a few things but they really don't matter. My ego is loosening up a little. And it and my dreams are reminding me that we're on the right path, the right journey - home.

Going Away, Coming Home

The last few weeks, it seems like weeks since I last wrote for pleasure, (not that posting from my phone is really writing), I have had an active dream life. I'm not certain what most of the dreams have been about. But a few have been intense dreams that have made my head a bit electric - like there's electricity pulsing through my entire brain, sending a message of warning: this is very important so don't forget. Last night was particularly intense as well. Mostly because it was a dream about Wood and I, and our ability to go away and reconnect in the most challenging of circumstances. In this dream, I became interested in another person - began dating that person even, and in the end, Wood gladly took me back. I wanted to be back, not because the other person wasn't good. But because Wood is my soulmate. It was a sad and frightening dream with a good ending. Hopefully I can remember the details when I have some time to write again. I'm traveling alone for the weekend to take care of business. It's nice to have some space from my life, and be with friends, although this work part of my life is hard, too. I wanted to remind myself here to do a writing exercise in the future. It is writing a letter to my 16 year old self. Giving some advice. The dream, my work here, and the exercise have one common theme: You can never really go back. Home is where you are.