Emotions All Over the Place

There are times when pre-menstrual syndrome is one of those excuses I love to have on my side. Like now, when my period is at least three days late and the tears have no sense of the "off" position. When in the one moment that is supposed to be complete and total unadulterated pleasure I break down into a complete and total, good for nothing, sobbing uncontrollably mess. Tears everywhere.

It is so good to have Wood home. His presence brings things back into balance and I can't imagine this life without him as my partner in it. We are a great team when we're working together and we can almost literally move mountains. You've been reading this here blog and know it's kinda true.

The first night he came home, he put Twig to bed and stayed asleep in his room (can you say jet lag plus a three hour time change?). I sat on the couch and cried until 2am. It was what I needed to do for myself. Wallow a bit and feel the feelings that I rarely give time to.

Twig has been pushing the boundaries of his attitude and behaviors a little bit since his dad came home. And while 'a little bit' is good, I have not been feeling very giving of myself. That, in turn, makes Twig even more needy. Which, makes me even more not willing to give him all of the physical attention he needs. And all of those feelings of disinterest in being close to the boy makes me fairly certain that my period is late due to stress, not an accidental unplanned pregnancy. Which, I've already decided would be fantastic if we did have a second child. But even more fantastic if we didn't. (for the record, we're not having a second child, confirmed this afternoon!)

I realized by Wood's absence that I am spending a lot of time being flexible to meet his desires. I will often step back and let him make decisions when it would be much easier for me to take the lead. Or he offers to do something "Oh, I can do that, no problem!"What ends up happening is that the "thing"

On the other hand, all of these emotions are tiring. My sleep has been choppy at best. Recalibrating is tough work.