Paint Therapy

Unfinished projects make me crazy. Every time I walk into a room they just jump out at me. No drapes, holes in the wall, no door stop, a chip in the paint, only half of the baseboard in place. The thing that makes me craziest is that the unfinished project is that only because we lack time and energy. You see, all of the supplies needed to complete most of the household projects that stare me in the face from the moment I wake until the moment I slumber live in the garage. They call to me while I sleep - "please, come and get me, I'm ready to complete your project." If only I could learn the 'get by on 4 hours of sleep' technique. Then, maybe I would have fewer projects on my to do list.

My wish list of things to do before working full-time again includes the following:

• Paint Entry & Hall Upstairs
• Photos Uploaded to Snapfish (2.4 years worth)
• Research Childcare (closer to home)
• Research Refinancing the House (?)
• Swimming Lessons for the little-one
• Complete Emergency Preparedness Packs (this should be first on the list)
• New Eye Glasses/Frames
• Finish Organizing the Garage
• Post items for sale on Craigslist
• Refinish Desk
• TOM's Stuff

My job starts sometime next week, Friday at the latest. I figure that if I can finish the painting this week that everything except the desk refinishing can get done next week. I think it's quite reasonable. Look at what's in progress or already done:

• Paint Entry & Hall Upstairs (making good progress)
• Photos Uploaded to Snapfish (nearly 200 moved today)
• Research Childcare (nothing better and/or priced comparably) DONE
  
• Research Refinancing the House (not going to do this) DONE
  
• Swimming Lessons for the little-one DONE
  
• Complete Emergency Preparedness Packs (about half way there but no cash to complete)
• New Eye Glasses/Frames (appointment made) DONE
  

It felt good to be self sufficient today. And, if the way I feel about painting the entry the most lovely shade of Ginger Root Orange and being half way done with baseboards is any indicator of how great I'll feel with the other stuff done, I'd be willing to take a bet or two.

Stay tuned.

Stress Ball

Go to bed early, wake up several times throughout the night and have difficulty falling back to sleep. Wake up early, overtired, having had very strange dreams about being pregnant, and my dead dad. Spend my free days working on projects around the house - cleaning the rat poop out of the garage, organizing closets, detailing the car, painting the entry. Write endlessly (or at least think endlessly about writing) and get crap off of my chest so that it goes away. I need to spend more time at the computer writing so that this stuff doesn't keep me up at night.

I'm a stress ball because my job should be starting full time soon. It's manifesting itself as described above. Why do I do these things? I'm stressed about something that I have no control over but I insist on making myself crazy about it before it even happens. Trying to be cautious? No. Probably trying to control the world which I have no control over.

Freak.

Refreshing

My new employer offered me an opportunity to do some reading pre-employment so that when I have to take some time off soon after I start working, it can be taken with pay. It seemed to me to be a good option. I could do some prep work prior to my start date and also get my full paycheck when taking some time off. I could also get some of the itch to get started to ease up a bit.

The training has morphed into several hours of reading and meeting with my predecessor and supervisor. This isn't a problem as I've learned that my intuition and assumptions about relationships and work styles were correct. My boss has been a bit annoyed with my predecessor, who seems to be unhappy in his job, and I'm benefitting from that because we are discussing these issues openly and honestly. This entire process has been refreshing to me. In the interview the job was clearly stated not assuming that I, the applicant, had recently read the description and understood it in it's entirety. There were opportunities for back and forth discussion about what both parties needed and expected from the other if we chose to enter into a relationship and this has continued!

My supervisor has told me his m.o., the areas that he will be hyper-vigilant about, what pisses him off, what doesn't, and that he's always got an open door - even when it's closed. His style seems to mesh pretty well with mine. Even if it's different - I know where I stand in the grand scheme of the work I'll be doing and that is huge, in my book. I know this half of the equation and that means I'll be that much closer to success.

I'm also reading 'The Art of War'. Thinking about what I need to do to be successful. The issue is that I know what to do. The problem is that sometimes I don't know how to do it. Sometimes I know what needs to be done and and how to do it, I just don't want to do it - whatever it is. That's some heavy shit right there. And, if I do say so myself, a bit immature. These are choices. Choices that determine the future. Choices that will make or break a person. That's what I need to sit with. Decide 'what do you want your future to be?' and then act upon it. Like a grown up.

Three,

There are only three visits left with the Nice Lady - three visits that are covered by my insurance, that is. Interestingly enough, the insurance that my new employer offers, The Nice Lady does not take. My existing insurance will end at the end of February. My new insurance will begin sometime in February. I have seen positive benefits from these visits with the Nice Lady, my Husband and I agree that the conversations should not end. The Nice Lady has agreed to help me locate a new provider that accepts my insurance and would be a good match for me as I work through the issues that have brought me to her in the first place. Whew, I didn't want to have the discussion about not wanting to ask my new employer about taking time off once a week for an appointment.

There are parallels between my upbringing and my current state of affairs. I get involved in situations/relationships that aren't necessarily good for me. I see red flags, dismiss them, and get in over my head. Maybe I think that "it" isn't going to happen to me. Maybe I think that the "issues" won't be that difficult to navigate. Maybe I think that I can "change" the person. That last 'maybe' was the Nice Lady's thought. Not mine. I don't think that I can change other people. As much as I want to. My mother is never going to be able to be what I want her to be for me. My Husband is never going to be "everything" to me - at least not all of the time. Why expect that he could be, that she would be, or that I am so good as to be able to change someone else? It's never happened before. Why would I think it would now?

Maybe it's just the way I'm used to behaving. It's my "role" in certain relationships to 'make people see the truth', or something like that... I am a "know-it-all". I do always want to be 'right'. My way is usually better and if it's not, I'll make it better. When there are problems I want them fixed so that the collective we can move on. Problem is, not everyone is interested in operating in the same way.

Keep reading "The Art of War".

On An Island

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone on an Island.

I've just gone deaf, mute, blind, and insane for a second or two.

When I breathe and take a look around me, I realize I'm attending an Island party.

We all check out every now and again.

Some do it more seamlessly and effortlessly than me.

This is good practice.

Judgement

This nice lady seems to have been able to cut right through the crap and tell me about myself. Go, Nice Lady! In her estimation these problems are about my inability to judge situations and their likely outcomes correctly. This creates situations sticky situations and bad behavior on my part. Thus I get myself into trouble.

I'm really into the Truth. Omission is to some extent lying, in my opinion. I hate lying. I hate superficial conversations. What is the purpose of having superficial conversations? None. Why talk to someone about things that are meaningless? Why talk if there's nothing to talk about? Why get into relationships with people that you know don't have the skills to do the right thing, make good decisions, behave ethically, etc? Why stay in relationships (be it personal or professional ones) that don't fit with your concept of Truth? What about your early upbringing, family relationships, etc. has led you to understand relationships 'should' be this way?

Mom's kinda secretive. Not terribly adept at manipulation. She sees everything as Black & White. Fights to get what she wants and when it doesn't go her way, she walks away. Burns bridges. Never looks back. I guess that's what I've been doing to some extent.

Despite the fact that I don't want situations to turn out the way that they have and have decided that long-term relationships take effort that I'm willing to invest, when other people won't come to the table to negotiate, there's a real problem. I'm not seeing the unwillingness, inability, futility in the situation - I'm at least not acting on it before it becomes a problem. Actually, not acting on it quickly enough. I see the red flags, even note them. I understand the warning signs and yet don't act upon them. Maybe I just don't have the skills to manipulate situations to my advantage.

I don't know how to be superficial so I let other people get too close. When I state my case it's usually because I'm in too far over my head. The situation has come to a head. In order to not be incredibly mean and nasty, I retreat in order to get space, recollect my thoughts, and to give the other person time to come to their senses. When they don't, It's over. The intimate part for sure.

As a child, there was nowhere to retreat to. You had to stay. You kept your mouth shut or got a belt. I usually got the belt. And seethed afterward. Or risked getting the belt again. Which I usually got again. Never really figured out how to keep my mouth shut, opinions, and facial expressions to myself so that the other person thought I believed their way. Because I usually didn't believe their way. To play 'as if' was lying. Even though I'm an adult and know it's not, when I have to or manage to do it, it feels like lying.

This is really important stuff. This letting go of sorts, of having superficial conversations, saying what the other person wants to hear, omitting certain facts, of manipulating situations to get my way (or whatever), is necessary for my long term professional (and personal) life... But how to do those things in ways that feel somewhat ethical? My reputation and opinions of myself is built upon that of being honest, fair, hard working, loyal, and trustworthy. I don't know how to do the former without jeopardizing the latter.

In my house, you couldn't go until the adult said it was the time to. Either that or you were completely left out on your own to fend for yourself. I never wanted to be an adult. Never wanted to be the adult that used my power over children or other people just because I could. The power mongers weren't happy. I could see their eyes full of self-loathing. When she said it was time to go, she burned bridges and no one was allowed to look back. It was the only way to get something else. Something else always turned out to be the same wolf in different clothing. It seems like she still hasn't learned. Doesn't want to look back. That's where we're different. My willingness to look at the Truth and Work, no matter how it hurts, helps me to move on, get the things I want in my life, and keep them.

Interesting stuff.

I need to read "The Art of War".

Chosen!

Yaaaayyy! I got the job! Yep, the Executive Director called this morning and offered me the position. I accepted and tried to sound calm, cool, and collected about it. He said that there were a lot of really qualified people that interviewed for the job but I seemed to make the best match for the job because I seemed to understand the balance of work is aimed mostly at administrative tasks and my references were so enthusiastic about me. I explained that that was fabulous because the day of the interview I had a horrible case of food poisoning and wondered at serveral moments throughout if I was going to make it through the interview. "If that was you at your worst, then..." Yes, it is true. I kicked ass at that interview despite the fact that my ass was kicking me.

Good things about the job: Supportive ED, Location, type of work, time off, pay, benefits, etc.

Bad things about the job: 40 hours per week.

How to balance it all? I've really enjoyed the past few weeks with my family. Even my two year old hasn't been as difficult as he could be lately. He's been more maliable of late. I've been less stressed out. It's probably that.

Now on the home front we have to figure out how to manage the house and dog and real life. I think it comes down to me knowing and becoming one with the fact that it's going to fall mostly on me. I am going to need to be a good house manager and enlist the help of the entire family for what needs to be done. Here are a few things I know that will help: Hubbie can do the grocery shopping on his way home from work. We can go back to our excel spreadsheet schedule - switch off cooking, cleaning, and bed time routine, get to the gym, and do a chore a day to keep things from piling up for the weekend. We can start that routine right now. I have to get beyond being upset about having to ask for 'it' and just ask. Nicely. Without judgement. Give everyone else the benefit of the doubt. In time, they'll hopefully do what needs to be done not because I ask but because they know it needs to be done. They are smart, big boys.

On the work front I need to make sure that the home front is taken care of and that life there is as simple as possible. I need to develop some good skills for managing people that are difficult and remember that every relationship I enter into is a marriage of sorts. I'm in it for the long haul and like I said for the home front, I need to give others the benefit of the doubt, ask first, and not take it personally. I know this stuff. I can do this! I will do this! I was chosen to do this!

Up and Down

I'm feeling yucky today. It's probably this cough that is keeping me down. That and the lack of knowing about the job that I want and know I'm a finalist for. I had hoped to hear last week but I haven't. And I'm obsessed with when I might hear whether or not I'm being offered the position. When should I decide that I've not been selected? Should I ask the potential employer? When? How aggressively should I be pursuing other work? Blah, blah, blah. I need a job and we need the money. That's where the stress comes from.

Writing on this blog tends to help. I can get things out of my system and into the universe where it belongs. It means that the stress and inertia aren't directed at my loved ones or myself. It's interesting though that I find myself censoring my thoughts and typing. I have only told one friend about this blog. Otherwise no one else knows that I write here. That and if they did there are few things that could really link it back to me. It stems from being invaded so many years ago. That one is going to take a while to work through. That and I should work on being more vague and poetic when expressing my feelings about certain things. Hmmm.

Looking for a J-O-B sucks.

I'm looking for a job. I spend a majority of my day searching on-line employment sites, reading job descriptions and wondering if the job could be a match for me. Job searching sucks. Being a mother (and wife, to a much less extent) diminshes the number of positions for which I can apply. You see, most jobs, in the "requirements" section of the posting say "flexibility in hours worked", "must be willing to work evenings and/or weekends", "travel required 30% of the time", or something similar that essentially screams "those that have priorities which may in any way rival being a slave to this job need not apply". I've applied to several jobs though. And, I've had fairly good success - three interviews so far. I know for a fact that my references have been checked on two but I've not received a phone call/offer from either. I want only one of the potential jobs. It's full time, seems to be a good match, and meets all of the other basic criteria. Good hours, location, benefits, time off, pay. Seems to have a good Executive Director and culture. However, I'm in purgatory. That is the part that sucks. I want to be chosen, to have a job, to be contributing to my family's financial matters, productive, etc. All of those things I know myself to be capable of.

Despite the fact that I'm searching for work, I am feeling much more relaxed about life in general - I feel like I can manage it all at the moment. It's not going to be so simple when I am working full time, though. How will we be able to manage all of the things that need to be managed when we both are out of the house 10(+)hours (out of the 16 hours we're awake) every day (yes, we both do need a lot of sleep)?

Hubbie and I are discussing how to keep, in particular my, stress levels down once I start to work full-time. My stating that I'd like a housekeeper every couple of weeks, and possibly babysitter a couple of times a week, prompted him to tell me that he needed to bring me "back down to earth". Hmmm, I think I'm on this here rock but maybe we haven't discussed it fully. Maybe I haven't made my case well enough...

There's too much going on during the week when working full-time to do it all and I need help. Period. Help. That's what I need to make sure my mental health and by default, relationships with my family, friends, and co-workers stay intact. He contends that I'm spending money that hasn't been earned yet and that we have a bunch of credit card debt that's hanging over our heads. Yes and yes. It is money that hasn't been earned yet and we do have debt. However, I'm primarily responsible for transportation to and from day care, cooking, cleaning, shopping, preparing lunch, bed time stories, breakfast, bathing, dressing, grooming, etc. He's responsible for trash & recycling (once a week), picking up dog shit (which I've been told recently he resents), and keeping track of the finances - and he works a lot.

There's a lot that need to be done though. In addition to the working and other stuff we have play dates, dog walks, family and social relationships, and among other things, nap time (oh, yeah, my libido has been like it was pre-kid recently - where the hell does that get stuck in? - no pun intended). My point here is that even if we let it all go during the week, there is only so much time on the weekends to complete all of this stuff. If I have to do it all by myself I just can't manage to be happy-go-lucky too. I can do a lot but I know my limitations and expectations. I didn't do so well before and I want a certain lifestyle. I want to be happy and have the house clean/well organized. He's not in a position in his job to be the regular in terms of pick-up/drop off and by default, much of the other stuff. So, I've done my best to ignore and not be bothered by the "when you get a job..." comments (I just don't hear the humor in his tone).

Money is an issue (no shit, like it's not for most people, huh?). We only have so much money to last for an indefinite amount of time. I feel the pressure. I get it. Really. I do. But I'm the Mom. I'm expected to do certain things and with his work situation being what it is, I am limited to working during the hours our child is in daycare. 8:30am until 5pm. Unless of course, his job changes in such a way that he is going to be able to be a "regular" in some of the other activities. Which is not the case - especially if he moves on to another position, company, etc. Besides, I want to spend time with my family (stress free so that among other things, I can get laid, damn it) on the weekends. Neither of us will have the energy to do it all all of the time. I'm just trying to be realistic. I know what I want and what I need. I know our limitations and unfortunately the discussion(s) didn't go over too well. But we will continue to talk about this - but not until I have been offered a full-time job. Which, as I said, I'm searching for.

The Nice Lady said that she thought it was going to be "interesting to see how you manage it" once working full-time. Uuhh, that's my concern too and I'm trying to work it out now so that it's not a problem later. Didn't she hear me at our first meeting??? Yeah, she did. She's just stating the obvious. Time is all it's really gonna take.

I Resolve...

For the first time in many years I feel compelled to make resolutions for the new year. Probably because my life feels so completely out of control. Resolutions can make you feel like you have a fighting chance to control your destiny. Yeah, my life is out of control. There's nothing I can do about it. So, I've decided that my usual "I resolve to make no resolutions" should stand. Breathe. Live for the moment. Live.

New Years Eve is 'Amateur Night'.

The day before New Year's Eve I went out with a couple of friends. We've known each other for many years. We eat dinner together pretty frequently, hang out togehter on the weekends occasionally, go on vacation together sometimes. I know these two women throught my Husband's association with their Husbands. They have known each other for a long time. Actually, the two women met in college. They are best friends. They are girly-girls. I am not (a regular best friend to anyone - at the moment - or a girly-girl). But, I have had a rough time of it as of late and am in no position to turn down friendship - or an evening away from mommy-duty. So, at their most gracious invitation, we planned to get out and have a drink or two.

We met at a place that I read about in Oakland Magazine as having good food and drinks. We decided that we'd check it out and if we didn't like it, we'd leave and go to a more well-known place just down the street. It was tough to get out of the house. No pant pulling, no looks of indignation. Just my inner critic telling me that I'm not fashionable enough, not sociable enough, not cute enough, not enough. No matter that my husband has always said "girrl - you're too much". My "actually, my sweet, I'm just right and don't you forget it!" retort hasn't been there for a long time. I haven't had my usual sense of humor since I was pregnant three years ago. I care less than ever what I look like, how my clothes fit, and what other people think. I have been changed from the inside out and the woman who was me only shows glimpses of herself here every now and again.

We talked about a lot of different things and I learned a secret about these women. They are slowly but surely letting me into the fold. Maybe it's me slowly but surely being open to it. Nah, it's probably a combination of the two.

I didn't get home until after midnight, smelling of vodka. Hope we do that again soon. It was fun. Yeah, being a friend and girly-girl isn't as bad as I make it out to be.

Visits one, two, and three.

The first week I met with the nice lady, I was feeling really, really low. I had just left my job. It, as I said in an earlier post, it seemed that this was the pinnacle. I decided to see the Nice Lady because I frankly was feeling suicidal. Well, maybe not feeling suicidal but the idea of suicide became a part of my thoughts on a few occasions. We recently purchased life insurance and one of the things the agent said about the policy was that it even paid out in the event of suicide. My brain kept thinking things like my family would be better off without me around. They would be taken care of financially if the life insurance paid out. They'd be better off without me. My brain would then remember that it was not true in the least. This was/is just a tough time. Dumping this stuff on the Nice Lady was very helpful.

The second week that I met the Nice Lady, we talked about the fact that things had seemed to be less intense. The only thing that changed really was that there was a bit of time and space between what had happened in the few weeks prior. Yes, even time alone helps things get better and feel a bit less intense. Time does in fact help.

The third week I met the nice lady (I had to skip one week in between due to food poisoning), we talked about the holiday and how frustrated I was with my lovely family. Their behaviors often infuriate me. No planning, no real discussion about what anyone really wants, wants to do, etc. It seems to me that they are making it up as they go. I don't like that - I like to talk, to plan, to communicate, to have an idea of where I'm headed. That way I have a slight chance of being successful in getting what I want out of 'xyz' activity. But, I digress. The whole pot-luck thing we had agreed to turned out to be less of a pot-luck and more of Mom doing everything. She told me what she was going to make and asked what we would bring. She had covered all of the major food groups so what to bring? Chicken Sausage? Drinks? "Bring whatever you want" she said. Then when we told her we were going to bring drinks she said "oh, I thought you were going to bring sausage." If she would just tell us what she wanted us to bring I wouldn't feel the urge to choke the shit out of her as frequently as I do.

For visit 4, etc. see "Looking for a J-O-B Sucks"

Why talk with a Nice Lady?

Well, to start, I left my job. It doesn't really matter that it was a job that I hated, with people that didn't seem to 'get it', or that I was trying really hard to be a part of the culture of the place. What does matter is that it was the pinnacle of events that helped push me over the edge.

I hadn't applied for the position that I was working in. It all just kinda fell into place. I offered to help out because the client I referred to the agency wasn't getting good service from them. It seemed like a win-win-win situation. The client would get better service, the agency would have someone providing the service, and I could get out of the house and away from my young child a few hours per week. I named my price, my working conditions, my expectations. They were all agreed to. No conversation, no discussion, no questions asked. That should have been my first clue.

As time went on, the agency could see that my experience could help them get more. They asked me to help with a program development project that they were interested in working on. They asked me to develop a training program for their agency staff. I agreed to do the work. Hell, it was just what I wanted to do. And, not only did I need the time away from the house and mommy responsibilities, we needed the money. Again, no conversation, no discussion, no questions asked. I didn't see the Red Flag!

As I started the work, childcare was a small issue. I tried as hard as I could to do the work at home. My kid is intense, though. He needed my undivided attention and refused to nap during the day. I found childcare. Now we really needed the money. Fourteen months of only my husband's salary (we live in the SF Bay area) and the credit card bills really started to catch up with us. We hate credit card debt. Makes us both crazy. That and I just can't sit still for very long without losing my mind. I'm not a natural 'stay at home mom'. I'm more of a Type-A personality. And I'm fine with who I am.

Once the agreement to do the training program was made (oh, yeah, I had to develop the terms and write the agreement), the focus shifted to the program development project. I rolled with the punches and started working on that project. My intention was to work on the project, finish it, and move on. I was planning to get what I could in terms of experience and financial resources and take the next plunge. I didn't know anything except that I wanted to find a new career and these experiences would help me get there. To hell with social services. I've been doing this work too long and I can't stand the sick, twisted, crazy people who want to enable clients to be losers - despite the fact that their agencies are supposed to blah, blah, blah. I mentioned that we needed money, right?

So, I worked on the program development project. Doing what I could to make it what the agency wanted. But, when the person identified to run the program backed out just before turning the application in to the state, I was asked to do it. I asked about the terms. Part-time? Yes. Money? Really good. Benefits? Sure. My program? Absolutely. Okay, I'll do it. Did I mention to you that I already selected the #2 person? No. I think she'll be great. Oh, I'd like to meet her. Sure, I'll call her right now. She dropped everything she was doing and came by to meet with us. I instantly got a bad feeling from her. Didn't like her at all. But, my thought and feeling was that I had to work with her because he had already offered her the position. Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag! I hate money.

Nice Lady?

A friend of mine once told me that she was seeing a "Nice Lady". It was, and continues to be, the way that she and I, and others say, without saying, that we are in therapy. Yes. Therapy. Talking through demons, problems, concerns, our perceived craziness. Because friends, family, and spouses get sick and tired of hearing it. That and they have other things to do with their days, nights, and weekends. The Nice Lady gets paid to listen. Once a week.

So, my goal is to write here about some of my demons, problems, concerns, etc. This is despite the fact that she thinks I shouldn't. Whatever. I need to get things out more often than once a week. I need to review on occasion. To help me remember. I've got 10 weeks of insurance covered therapy and I'm going to do everything I can to get the most out of it.

You Have A Lovely Beast

"You are so cute!"

We hear it constantly from strangers. On the street, in a restaraunt, just about everywhere we go.

A couple of weeks ago I asked you "do you know how cute you are?" Your response: "Yeah." Giggle from Mommy. "Who says you're cute?" Says Mommy. "Emilia." says Won. "Who else?" "Mayra" Who else? "Mindy" and on and on the conversation goes. So we decide that we should probably slow it down on the "cute" conversation. But, it doesn't stop me from thinking it or writing about it.

Maybe it's because you're just a little kid. Maybe it's because you're my little kid. Either way - you're adorable. And funny as all get out, too. I'm at a loss for some of the funnier things that come out of your less than 2 year old mouth, but believe me, they can be absolutely hilarious. I vow to make it to the computer next time you put me in stitches to report exactly what it was and how you said it.

Who knows what trouble you were getting into in this photo? Not me, you're just too damned cute for me to even remember. Photo is taken in our living room/office on 8/12/06.

Otherwise Known As: Postpartum Depression

In the beginning I had a really tough time with being a new mom. It was a challenge for me to be the center of someone's universe. I didn't know how to balance what I needed with what you needed in order to get what I needed. So here's what I did...

Greetings Mommies,

Our monthly night out is set for this coming Thursday March 2nd from 6-10pm.

Do you get out often enough to visit with friends and/or do things sans husband/baby? I'm not talking about a costco run, diaper errand, or housecleaning uninterrupted. Do you get to attend social occasions where kids and significant others are not necessarily the number 1 subject of conversation? Since the answer is more than likely a resounding "no" we offer you: Mom's Night Out. It's a time where you can hang out, have dinner, drinks and some lively conversation with other women living the Mommy Life. At this regular gathering, all are free to talk about interesting topics of conversation - art, movies, music, food, working, and/or politics - or the gritty realities of raising children, working (or not) and maintaining positive adult relationships in this tired existence (of sleep deprivation) we call parenthood. Despite it being a late night, the next day you'll agree it was worth it!

This month, we'll meet at the Lanesplitter - Temescal 4799 Telegraph Ave. (a couple of blocks South of 51st St. on the WEST side of the street) Oakland, CA 94609 (510) 653-5350 http://www.lanesplitterpizza.com/ They've got a GREAT beer menu along with ciders, wines and non-alcoholic beverages. They have a fairly extensive menu and the pizza is supposed to be pretty darned good.

Please bring your thirst, appetite and sunny disposition to hang out with other like moms! Please RSVP - regrets only so that no one sits at the bar drikining alone!

Be Well!

Wonelle

p.s. Can't show up at 6 because you have to put the baby to bed? Do it and show up when you can - latecomers are always welcome OR can't make this month's get together? We'll do it again on the first Thursday of next month, and the month after that, and the month after that, too! AND, if you know anyone that might be interested in joining us, forward the email to them. The more the merrier!

I organized! On the months that we were able to hang out with one another, it was a good thing. Helped us all to maintain our mental health. And it gave you and your dad some bonding time that you might not have otherwise had.

First Day of Childcare

I dropped you off at daycare at 9am this morning. You cried when I left even though you seemed to be enjoying your Chex cereal snack while sitting at the little round table with your friend Lucas. It's been two weeks now that you've been back at daycare and I've been back working. Unfortunately, it's not getting much easier for you to see me leave and it's certainly no easier for me to see you cry as I walk out the door.

I miss you while you're gone and often wonder what leaving you there does to you. You do seem to have a good time at day care though. There is lots of activity - storytime, snack, free play, bigger kids, outings to the park and library. You're napping for them every day - sometimes 2 1/2 hours at a time - something you won't consistently do at home. You play with the kids, enjoy the toys and seem stimulated. The women who work there love you - it is very clear to me. As much as I hate sending you to spend the day with someone else, it's a necessary thing as Mommy has to work in order to help make ends meet.

I'm going to get to doing that right now.

I love you.

Every Year

Today is your dad and my wedding anniversary. We decided to both play hookey from work and have a mommy-daddy day. We got up just like usual and went about our day. The only difference from any other day was that Poppy was with us and we took a 'showee' this morning. That's what you call taking a shower - 'showee'. And whenever someone goes into the bathroom and turns on the water, you're all over it. You won't give in until you get in. But I digress...

You went to school just like it was a work day so that Poppy and I could spend a wonderful anniversary day together. Poppy and I had a hot tub, went to eat lunch at the place where we got married, had our hair cut, and went to the Home Depot to get supplies to fix the shower. It's amazing how quickly the day went. That and just wild that we spent most of our day talking about you. We talked about what kind of person we think you are, what kind of person we think you're going to be and what the best school situation will be for you - private, public, etc. and will that be in Oakland or somewhere else? There are so many variables to consider that it's good that you won't be in kindergarten for another 4 years or so. It'll give us time to figure it all out and do what's best for our family as a whole.