Three,

There are only three visits left with the Nice Lady - three visits that are covered by my insurance, that is. Interestingly enough, the insurance that my new employer offers, The Nice Lady does not take. My existing insurance will end at the end of February. My new insurance will begin sometime in February. I have seen positive benefits from these visits with the Nice Lady, my Husband and I agree that the conversations should not end. The Nice Lady has agreed to help me locate a new provider that accepts my insurance and would be a good match for me as I work through the issues that have brought me to her in the first place. Whew, I didn't want to have the discussion about not wanting to ask my new employer about taking time off once a week for an appointment.

There are parallels between my upbringing and my current state of affairs. I get involved in situations/relationships that aren't necessarily good for me. I see red flags, dismiss them, and get in over my head. Maybe I think that "it" isn't going to happen to me. Maybe I think that the "issues" won't be that difficult to navigate. Maybe I think that I can "change" the person. That last 'maybe' was the Nice Lady's thought. Not mine. I don't think that I can change other people. As much as I want to. My mother is never going to be able to be what I want her to be for me. My Husband is never going to be "everything" to me - at least not all of the time. Why expect that he could be, that she would be, or that I am so good as to be able to change someone else? It's never happened before. Why would I think it would now?

Maybe it's just the way I'm used to behaving. It's my "role" in certain relationships to 'make people see the truth', or something like that... I am a "know-it-all". I do always want to be 'right'. My way is usually better and if it's not, I'll make it better. When there are problems I want them fixed so that the collective we can move on. Problem is, not everyone is interested in operating in the same way.

Keep reading "The Art of War".