More Grounded

Who authorized return from vacation on Christmas Eve? Not me.
Despite being mad, okay, really mad, and a by resentfugl that Wood would show up only moments before it all came together to take all the credit for all of my hard work, it turned out I was more glad he was home than upset he had been gone and all the work his absence (the week before Christmas) required of me.

I think that the holiday actually helped us with what is usually a difficult transition - back to family unit. Because he had checked out for a week he was then relaxed, happy, and attentive. The holiday meant that we didn't have to fall immediately back into the usual school and work routines and that's always nice.

I have approached life from a rather numb state lately, not engaging like usual. Wood noticed it and asked what was/is going on with me. I blurted out "I saw a Nice Lady" when Twig wasn't around and couldn't hear what we were talking about. You know, my perception of reality is so skewed lately that timelines aren't working quite right. I'm going to call 'Creative License' here and say the two incidents were separate. He was very pleased that I'd done so. Until he heard about the cost/no insurance issue. But he understands, too, how ease of use and coordinated care are monumentally important right now. If its really an issue, I'll get a referral to someone who does accept insurance when the time is right.

We have talked a fair amount and I feel heard. About both my psychosis and real things. The only thing that has shifted, really - at least I think, is my approach.

Maybe not, however. Wood has always been there for me. I didn't realize how much I depend on him to keep me focused. How much more solid and capable I feel when he's around.  How committed to my marriage and family I am.

We three are a team. The most important team I've ever been on. It's beyond comforting.