How did you sleep last night?

The new gig starts tomorrow and I feel a bit frozen. There are a thousand and one things that wanted to be done before the beginning of this new chapter but life has gotten in the way.

The awful case of the stomach flu was so awful that I didn't really eat until Tuesday. That's nearly 3 full days without food, people. In my world, Food is something that is to be enjoyed at all times. I live to shop for food, cook food, and eat food. Problem is, the flu is actually still hanging on a little bit. Sometimes I can feel the food is digesting. I know exactly where it is in my intestines because they scream "NOOOOO!" and all I can think is "please, no more". As if that's not bad enough, the back pain hasn't gone away at all - what with fighting a two year old here and there to change his diaper and such. Ice usually helps it but not right now. During the day it's okay but not at night.

The little won's bedtime routine starts at about 7pm with lights out at somewhere around 8pm. By 12:30am, I'm off to my bed wondering, as I drag myself the 25 feet from his bed to mine, how long will he sleep without joining me to put his foot in my back, fingers in my cheeks, or sharp fingernails on my breasts? It feels good to be in my bed. I fall asleep pretty quickly.

He wakes me at about 2am screaming for something that I'd love to give but have no patience or energy for... "NO MOMMY NOT YOUR BED, MY BED!" I begrudgingly go to his bed. "NO RED BLANKET, NO MOMMY!". I begrudgingly give up my favorite red blanket that my granny made. Soon enough I can hear my sweet baby breathing regular breaths into his pillow. Every now and again he wakes and yells "NO, MOMMY!", caresses my face, searches for my breasts (which I guard feircly), and then falls back into his deep slumber.

Now that I'm awake, the back pain, stress, an overactive mind, a new cold that makes my nose full and my head throb, combined with the snoring conversation make it hard to settle back down to sleep. It's after 2am.

Eventually, I give in to the pain, go downstairs, find water and take medicine and warm up the heating sack. I climb the stairs and stand in the hallway between the two bedrooms, listening and wondering... Where do I go? I don't want to be groped and hit anymore tonight but I don't want to ask Hubbie to sleep on his side either. I go to the baby's bed.

My head throbs. My back makes me whince. I toss and turn. I can't get comfortable but I use all of my energy to listen. When I'm sure that Hubbie isn't snoring so loudly that it will make me focus on it rather than relaxing into to sleep, I head back to the Eastern King size bed that has flannel sheets, an oversized down comforter, and a warm man in it. I add to the mix a throbbing head and heating pad that has sweet smells in it. Once I settle in, I realize that my stomach hurts too. It is nearly 4am. Two hours to go before the alarm sounds. How many times will I wake between now and then? What will it be? Snoring, screaming, or singing? None of the above. The alarm never went off and it's 7am before the little Won tip toes into my room saying "Mom? Hi, Mom. Did you have a good sleep, Mom?" as if nothing ever happened last night.

Last night wasn't the first bad night of rest this week... The frozen feeling is likely a result of the rain and lack of sleep.