Vacation
Sad, homesick, weepy, familiar, and distant. All words that could be used to describe the feeling of being home on vacation. None correct.
The feeling I couldn't conjure a word for is Melancholy.
It's familiar but not familiar here. People, places, streets, feelings. Not quite the same as they once were. They can never be, really. And yet I long for them. Simultaneously knowing that it's futile to do so.
I am working on being present in this moment. It's all I've got. I can't wax poetic about what was and live now at the same time. That's taking now for granted. Not intentionally, but really the case.
Always ready to move on, and yet I'm stuck in the past. I never fully lived it. Re-living isn't possible. I mourn what was, what could have been. What I wish I was. What I wish I were. Then and now.
Wood and Radical Acceptance are correct, it's time to love all of me. Now is the time to try.
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2 comments:
Wood said that? What a guy. I love your idea. Love all of you. Every part. I'm going through a similar period of intense awareness. It's uncomfortable, yet all is heightened and I have a feeling I am on to something. I wish I could stop the thoughts that are such downers.
Yes, Wood is amazing! He said that. The book I'm reading, Radical Acceptance, has been really helpful, too. Super Duper intense but I also feel I'm on to something. The correct direction at least. XO
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