Being In Charge

It is tough to constantly be in charge. I am - at home and at work - always the responsible one. Always in charge of everyone and everything.

Usually it's okay. But I'm beat down these days. Supervisor to people I'd have never in a million years hired is absolutely draining. Only because I work in a place that has no boundaries so bad behavior seems to be acceptable - even expected - and there aren't often repercussions for it.

In her written performance evaluation, a staff person stated that I'm disrespectful and not supportive. That concerns are minimized or ignored and some other, in the same vein, harsh stuff that was really hard to hear.

While I contend that this person is, again, someone I'd never hire, a pain in the ass, and adept at bitching instead of working, there is a bit of truth to her complaints. In my attempt to create clarity and boundaries, my supervisory authority does mean that I am clear about things being "my decision" and when it is appropriate (or not) to gossip about decisions that haven't been made. I know I sometimes seem like I don't give a shit. And honestly, sometimes, I don't.

So, there's the rub. I want to be in charge. But not of lazy babies whose mommies are going to give them a lolly just to prevent a crying tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because that's easier than dealing with the reality of teaching said baby that No means No and you have to deal with that.

So, I've been doing my best to refrain from defending, explaining and justifying my decisions and actions. But I've got a lot of babies in my midst. Babies that are used to mommy talking too much and making sure they "feel heard".

I listen. I don't always agree and I certainly don't give in to everything that everyone wants all the time. I can't. And that's different than not supporting. But, it's important that I at least consider what's being said about how I'm in charge. It doesn't mean that I necessarily need to change. Just consider how to seem more supportive to certain people.

I'll also consider that I've got a freaking job interview on Tuesday! It's probably a long shot. And the babies might be crazy there, too. Who knows? And vacation! Vacation is happening very soon!

Thanks, Universe, for giving me the right thing at the right time.