Dear Sarah

It was a pleasure to meet you this weekend at the conference. Wood has said great things about you and your work - that you are smart and energetic, someone that he is glad to be able to learn from in his professional life.

Perhaps we got off to a bad, if not odd, start. It certaily was strange to me, to be introduced to you and for your response to be that you were uncomfortable about our meeting. And why I pointedly asked "Really, why?" The statement got my hackles up and my gut queasy but I told myself it wasn't anything to think too much about.

However, that was not the only odd interaction between you, my husband and I over the weekend. If it were, I probably wouldn't be writing this letter. Try as I may, though, something about the way you interacted with my husband and me wasn't right. It was weird. It was all wrong.

It was like there was something very personal happening for you with regard to Wood - the way you avoided eye contact and any conversation with me, essentially being near my husband and leaving whenever I arrived said you were too comfortable with him and uncomfortable with us (him & me together, and just me) all at the same time.

Our final interaction at the luncheon - where you didn't say anything to me (granted I didn't use my assertiveness skills to say hello to you or anyone else at the table) and where I picked up an ever-so-slight glance Wood gave you upon my arrival to the table...combined with you not responding to my attempt to engage you in conversation during lunch...and a look you gave me...perhaps it was the slight cock of your head when after lunch we talked so briefly about how this was the celebration of our anniversary; this weekend because the actual weekend is full of family obligations (you mentioned sans child, so you know we are a family) - this combination of interactions sent up red flags and bells-a-ringing. I wanted to talk to you, to get to know you because of the good things Wood has said as well as the clear discomfort between us. It would have been good to have had some time to talk and get to know each other. There was time. You were disinterested.

Our meeting(s) has stirred up some latent and supremely powerful feelings - suspicion, contempt, jealousy, and fear - that my husband of nearly 10 years hasn't been faithful to me.

This letter is in part to tell you that these strange interactions have been a blessing in disguise. They pushed us to open our lines of communication, talk about the things that make our marriage worthwhile - the good, bad and indifferent - and that keep us together. It has reminded us of our need and DESIRE to BE TOGETHER. That is sometimes difficult to remember - the years definitely make us stronger but it takes a lot of work, too.

Sarah, you lifted a mirror up to me so that I could see my stuff. It's hefty. It's complicated and threatening. As scared as I was to ask and possibly get an answer I didn't want (or worse, get the answer I did want but didn't believe), I asked my husband whether anything inappropriate has ever happened between you and him "Did you ever touch her, dance with her, kiss her or otherwise do anything with her that I wouldn't want to see?" No. "Did she ever do anything to you that wouldn't be considered okay?" No. His email, text and phone history confirm that he hasn't had contact with you outside of conferences. I otherwise have no reason to distrust him. Besides, he really is the most loyal person I've ever known. To his detriment at times (that's another topic best left for another day). His commitment to me is clear - however, despite all of that I know that people are fallible, relationships are fragile, affairs happen and when they do it's rarely planned. I also know that people don't automatically tell the truth in these kinds of situations. I believe him when he says he has never been unfaithful to me but I'm also a realist.

This letter is also to tell you that I saw you, Sarah. Wood didn't, and probably doesn't see you in the same way. He's too proper and professional to say so, even if he did. I'm more like Rupaul who said "I always try to come from a place of love but sometimes you just have to break it down for a motherfucker."

Here's the breakdown: Make no mistake; I saw you and you have no claim to Wood. Intermittent professional contact is the extent of it. I saw you. Get my husband out of your head. Wood is off limits, always has been, always will be. I saw you and want you to know, if it isn't already abundantly clear, I will protect my marriage and family at all costs.

In time you will find someone. He'll be amazing because you clearly have good taste in men. If it can happen for me, it surely can happen for you.

Thanks for this, Sarah. It has been nearly cathartic. I do look forward to the opportunity to meet you again.

Sincerely,

L