Jealous

One evening last week, Wood called me and chatted me up a bit. He asked how I was doing, how was my day - and I told him. I was stressed, behind in my work, and I'd had a headache for days. In the end, he said a friend of his from work was considering a job in Los Angeles who wanted his advice and said he wanted to hang out with her, could I get Twig from camp?

It was like a lightning strike, the overwhelming feeling of jealousy that overtook me. I wondered who was this woman who wanted his advice. Who was this woman that he wanted to give advice - and spend time with. But I didn't say anything about it. The truth was, I wasn't feeling well and I said so. He understood and decided to stay home.

The feelings continued - or at least the thoughts did - and I have spent the last couple of weeks thinking about why I felt jealous. It's not my normal way of being in my relationship, particularly with Wood.. Is it because he and I aren't able to spend time together? Because we have such serious issues we are dealing with? That because I wonder if someone else has something better to offer? That because I'm unhappy so he must be, too?

When I came home later than usual tonight, he was upset with me. He approached the discussion in a way that would seem that he was worried that I was putting in too much time. When I expressed that I thought he was trying to be supportive of me and ensure I am not overdoing things with regard to work, I explained that the reality is that when I go to work at 9:30 and leave for nearly an hour in the middle of the day, I must stay to get my work done. He barked at me and said that since I hold his feet to the fire, he was going to be my advocate.

Shortly thereafter, he tossed his phone onto the table in a fit of anger. When asked, he said that he was upset because his friend had decided to leave. After a bit more discussion, he said that they were "at the bar" and he was going to go. Again, that jealousy feeling. Again nothing said by me.

Twig was asking if he could go outside to play the trumpet, and got upset when I said no. Then Wood got upset at me for saying so. Then I wasn't listening to him and then he stormed out on me. And I'm mad. M A D. He was being a disrespectful asshole. I don't like him much right now. At all. And I want to tell him so.