Television

There's a television advertisement that comes to mind a lot lately. You see people not smiling at their dog, alone and laying on the couch, and in both cases, looking very despondent. The refrain goes something like "depression hurts, xyz drug can help."

I've been thinking of this commercial a lot because it seems lately as though everything hurts. Everything. My shoulders are tight, lower back acts like its gonna give out at any time, I've got consistent headaches and stomach aches and my bum and the bottom of my feet hurt whenever I stand up. All I want to do is sleep. And if I can't sleep, I want to eat comfort food - potatoes, mac and cheese, burgers and fries, chocolate and caramel, or coffee.

I said in a recent post that I haven't felt like this since Twig was a baby and I had postpartum depression quite severely. It is true now, too. Except the postpartum piece, of course. (Ha!)
The part of this commercial coming to mind that is interesting to me is that I am noticing these symptoms for what I believe they are (I should see the doctor about the headaches -okay everything- just to be safe but I had a physical a couple of months ago and I got a mostly clean bill of health, save the fat cysts and spots on my skin that I need to have checked regularly. Ah to have no olive tones.). While I don't typically like anything advertising stands for, this commercial has been helpful in making my mind aware.

A friend, who is so lovely and wise and spiritual, recently noticed my sadness and reminded me that "it" doesn't have to be this way. The simple sentence in her text reminded me that I am an agent of change. That changing myself and others, systems, beliefs, this is my purpose on this earth.

She suggested that I map out what I want. With big sheets of butcher paper and colored pens, to write my story - to change the course, set my own stage  with my own story, actors, ending(s) - to let the universe know my intentions. It will give me what I need and want - when it is the right time.

Knowing why I hurt is half of the battle. Being reminded that I am an agent of change and the maker of my destiny is part of the strategy. With the help of a television advertisement (and a great friend), now I can do get back to making change.