The Compound

About a year ago, my youngest sister decided that she wanted to buy a house. She was renting an amazing house with a lot of land and an in-law unit - for a song and a dance. But so focused was she on obtaining her very own white picket fence...

She talked to me exactly one time in the beginning of her search; I, like any good eldest sister would, peppered her with questions concerning cash-flow, budget, qualifying for a loan, and realistic home prices in the lovely bay area juxtaposed against being a single mom of a tween earning a teachers salary and the possibility of that reality getting her much more than a cardboard box.

At the time she decided that she must be a property owner, she convinced our almost-60year-old-permanently-disabled-single mother, whom she was living with, to invest in and co-own the loan. It did not take Littlest Sis (AKA: The Favorite - Fav) much to talk my mom into the deal. Mammy has a long history with infomercials and get-rich-quick schemes. Talk to her about a great investment opportunity or the possibility of incredible earning potential and she's pretty much going to sign on the dotted line.

Eventually Fav found an overpriced, 3 story, under-maintained, 3 bedroom 3 bathroom house owned by a teacher and decided to use the seller's real estate agent to help her purchase. YIPEEE! The teacher wanted to sell to the teacher. Fav decided to use a 'friend', who convinced her that she could actually afford almost three-quarters of a million dollars on her teacher's salary, to get the (interest only) loan.

Not too deep into escrow, it became apparent that there was more loan than Fav and Mammy could afford between the two of them. So, Fav decides that it would be a good idea to invite our middle sister (Lil Sis), her husband and their two kids to join in - for investment purposes, of course.

They all decided that this would be a good business venture, the best way to get into the real estate market. Pool their limited resources for the greater good. Fantastic idea in principle.

Mammy stated her concern to me early on in the escrow process. "I just don't know what to do, Fav and Lil Sis won't do what needs to be done to put these things in writing" she said. The way to resolve the issue was quite simple in my estimation... "Well, you know Mammy, you do hold the purse strings. Tell them you won't put your money on the table until the other stuff is in place."

I voiced my concerns to each of them individually and told them of my concerns before it all happened. Fav didn't listen to my line of questioning and Mammy didn't take my advice. They all moved in together and didn't take the steps necessary to enter into discussions or written business agreements until they were all settled in. Issues of money, down payment, rent, space considerations, bills, and the like - not to mention expectations around how to treat one another, were never openly discussed, nor put on paper in any detail sufficient to ward against problems later on down the road.

Needless to say, things got out of hand very quickly. Lil Sis and Fav don't get along very well as it is and living together has served only to drive a wedge further between them. A few months after Fav gets everyone to buy into this situation she decided that it wasn't working for her and she wanted out.

No matter how hard I tried, Robert Fulghum - All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten - was the best advice I could come up with...

No discussion. She's decided she's done. She's unwilling to try to find a mutually agreeable solution. She put the house up for sale and isn't following through with any of her commitments to the rest of her family. The rest of the family has followed suit by not following their agreements. Mammy will be forced to take the biggest financial hit - and she'll be homeless soon.

For me there are no sides - they're all wrong - I can't get involved because the fallout is too great. I've listened, advised, and done my best to encourage each of them to figure something out that is works for everyone. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen.