Home Sweet Home

It took nearly the entire vacation before home was anywhere on my radar screen. Granted, I missed Twig, as much as any mom can when she's only one small step from completely losing it; that 12 hour drive through Grants Pass and horrible wildfires smoke was really tough because I was excruciatingly exhausted for most of it and we haven't had a real family vacation in a couple of YEARS. It was long overdue. I didn't realize how much I needed it until it began. But I'm glad to be home.

I extended my time away from work through today. There's stuff that needs to be done on the home front. And I've kind of already checked out of that place. I've checked email a couple of times and it's just annoying. I knew that place was trouble from day one. I should have walked away then. I should have run! But grown ups have obligations. I felt like I had to keep the job. So I did.

It hasn't been all bad. I've been given some serious opportunities there. I've made some positive improvements. I've grown and developed programs, people, and myself. But, still, I should have RUN away after the first day!

At least one staff person will be glad to see me go - and she'll think she's won. To that I say "we both win!" Others will be disappointed but not because of any relationship we've built. My boss will be disappointed because my departure will make her ability to look good harder than it is. My staff will be disappointed because of the unknowns my leaving will bring. It's been very, very rocky with them for about 8 months. I don't think clients will care much, or notice, really. My job impacts them but not too directly. I will be sad to leave a couple of people - one really - but we will be able to have a friendship outside the office. I am sad to leave, like when you leave a boyfriend that isn't good for you but you just know he has has the potential to be a great husband and father. To someone else.

Yeah, it's like that!

I think my new boyfriend will like my sassy attitude and big fat ass - I could be selling myself a bill of goods but I'm not just jumping into this relationship like I did that last guy. I took some time to think this one through and feel like we fit better. It feels like going home.