Panic Room

The car is my safe place at the moment.

Even though my ears are ringing, I notice I've been clenching my teeth, and I feel that I should apply for a job I found online yesterday, I can't get past picking up a few of my things to prepare to go inside. All I really want to do is give myself a manicure and paint my nails.

I'm feeling anxious at the moment. Lately, actually. It comes on out of nowhere - in the middle of the night, while I'm driving down the street, as I gather my things to walk in the house. In between those moments, my emotions have been vascillating - one moment I'm full of rage or fear of nothing apparent and at other times I'm overtaken by immense gratitude. Sometimes in the span of a day, sometimes minutes.

Now I just sit here in this little car with my feelings, mostly of dread for what I have to do, trying to make sense of things. It feels good to do nothing.