It Continues To Grow

That alien feeling in my chest...

I want to stay in bed, take a shower, sleep for days. This morning I fantasized about getting out of bed and leaving. Wood at work already; Twig and Grandma asleep still. No phone, no keys, no shoes or wallet. Just leaving. Walking, running, riding my bike - as fast as I could. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but these feelings.

If wearing the same pants for three days in a row, crying for no apparent good reason, tight painful shoulders, constant headaches, and a penchant only for coffee, twinkies (no joke), and chocolate is a sign - not to mention the running away fantasy - I need something.

Telling myself I can get through it helps only for a millisecond.

The alien is trying to take me over and I'm considering letting it do exactly that.