Final Float
Some friends that have owned a river rafting business for nearly 20 years are calling it quits after this year. Yesterday, Wood and I, and about 95 of our friends' closest friends ventured out on to the river for the "Final Float".
It was a great day! Not too hot, not too cold. Just enough wind. Lots of rowing, swimming, water fights, and laughing. I can hardly remember the last time I had so much fun! Or so much energy for such physical activity. Those daily lunch time walks and kick boxing classes are really paying off. My clothes fit better, my body looks different, and my stamina has really improved. Amazing how out of shape I had let myself become...
Twig was with his Grammie back at the place where we parked the cars and would meet for the afternoon barbecue. This was a good thing. The original plan was for them to stay at home. Once I got thinking about that plan, I just didn't feel comfortable with the thought of them being more than 2 hours away from where we were - and for more than 12 hours in one stretch. Thank goodness Grammie agreed to come along. While it probably wasn't super exciting nor easy for her, it made it so that I could let loose a little bit.
In case I didn't already mention it, my Mother in Law is in town this week. Twig's preschool is on vacation and Wood and I have to work. Last visit we had with Grammie in LaLa land included some insane conversations about how he was going to spend a week with her over the summer... Needless to say, I had a few reservations about such a scheme. Once presented to Wood, he did too. However, it doesn't make sense fighting with logic - she just won't listen. She wants what she wants and thinks I'm being difficult and trying to keep her away from her grandson. He's three years old and, and, and........Whatever!
Anyway, the whole school vacation thing came up and since Wood and I don't have the time to take off from work right now, I thought that it might make sense for her to try being with him for a week on our turf with some respite in the mornings and evenings. The concept being that she can get a really good taste of him without the shock of 24/7 (besides that whole him in LaLa Land for a week is not going to happen while he's this young). He's too much for me to handle 24/7 with no breaks and I'm half her age.
She's here and the primary person responsible for my almost three year old from 7:45am until 5pm every day this week. I'll admit that I'm a bit controlling of my space and that I have high expectations for the way that my family operates. And, I'll even go so far as to admit that I don't always like my MIL. I find her manipulative and incapable of talking directly without making everything about her and therefore leaving no room for any type of negotiation or compromise. Instead of stating her needs she says things like "are we going to eat dinner?" or "are you hungry?" Then when you get to the bottom of what's happening, and figure out that she wants to eat she'll say something like "I don't know what I want to eat, I 'll eat whatever you want, I'm flexible". Grrr.
Today I caught her rolling her eyes at me when I was telling her about my child. MY CHILD! MINE! NOT HERS! MINE! Yesterday I had spent a little bit of time giving her some pointers on my child's personality. You know, what works and what doesn't, what he does and doesn't respond to. What time he needs to eat, sleep, and how, the activities that are and are not good to attempt with him. She clearly didn't listen to a thing I said because her first activity today was the one thing I said wouldn't be a good idea to attempt with him. Shopping. And her other activities will include visiting her other old friends in their tiny apartments with lots of breakable things where he wants to throw balls and swing bats, and generally be a three year old boy! My vision is of him being a caged wild animal that's expected to behave as a well trained pedigree pet but can't so he's prodded and told "NO!" every 30 seconds. It doesn't scream fun to me. This is his vacation, too!
So I left very shortly after the eye rolling incident (and having made lunch, gathered extra clothes and diapers, etc. for her day with him). Walked to the bus stop and vented on the phone to Wood (even though I probably shouldn't - he's caught in the middle of the two most important women in his life). I feel like she didn't and won't to listen to a thing I said. Like she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm sure that she's not going to do anything the way that we do things with him. She's going to expect him to behave certain ways, but will do all of the grown up things that she wants to do, and then wonder why he's behaving badly. She doesn't (seems to me) to have the skill to understand how to get him to perform the way that he can (because the truth is that he's a really well trained monkey, you just have to know what kind of positive reinforcement and happy snacks he likes!). I feel like I'm not being taken seriously - or even respected - so I also feel like I'm not managing this well.
I'm trying to keep in mind that everyone has their own way. And that kids are different with other people. But HEY - I'm a Mom that knows her kid. I worry about his safety - physical and otherwise. I don't totally trust her. And I'm protective of my child. My only baby. I know she loves him and would never ever do anything to purposefully put him in harms way. We're different and that's okay. He's a very adaptable kid. It's going to be okay. But I'm still having a hard time with it.
Better get back to work now.
It was a great day! Not too hot, not too cold. Just enough wind. Lots of rowing, swimming, water fights, and laughing. I can hardly remember the last time I had so much fun! Or so much energy for such physical activity. Those daily lunch time walks and kick boxing classes are really paying off. My clothes fit better, my body looks different, and my stamina has really improved. Amazing how out of shape I had let myself become...
Twig was with his Grammie back at the place where we parked the cars and would meet for the afternoon barbecue. This was a good thing. The original plan was for them to stay at home. Once I got thinking about that plan, I just didn't feel comfortable with the thought of them being more than 2 hours away from where we were - and for more than 12 hours in one stretch. Thank goodness Grammie agreed to come along. While it probably wasn't super exciting nor easy for her, it made it so that I could let loose a little bit.
In case I didn't already mention it, my Mother in Law is in town this week. Twig's preschool is on vacation and Wood and I have to work. Last visit we had with Grammie in LaLa land included some insane conversations about how he was going to spend a week with her over the summer... Needless to say, I had a few reservations about such a scheme. Once presented to Wood, he did too. However, it doesn't make sense fighting with logic - she just won't listen. She wants what she wants and thinks I'm being difficult and trying to keep her away from her grandson. He's three years old and, and, and........Whatever!
Anyway, the whole school vacation thing came up and since Wood and I don't have the time to take off from work right now, I thought that it might make sense for her to try being with him for a week on our turf with some respite in the mornings and evenings. The concept being that she can get a really good taste of him without the shock of 24/7 (besides that whole him in LaLa Land for a week is not going to happen while he's this young). He's too much for me to handle 24/7 with no breaks and I'm half her age.
She's here and the primary person responsible for my almost three year old from 7:45am until 5pm every day this week. I'll admit that I'm a bit controlling of my space and that I have high expectations for the way that my family operates. And, I'll even go so far as to admit that I don't always like my MIL. I find her manipulative and incapable of talking directly without making everything about her and therefore leaving no room for any type of negotiation or compromise. Instead of stating her needs she says things like "are we going to eat dinner?" or "are you hungry?" Then when you get to the bottom of what's happening, and figure out that she wants to eat she'll say something like "I don't know what I want to eat, I 'll eat whatever you want, I'm flexible". Grrr.
Today I caught her rolling her eyes at me when I was telling her about my child. MY CHILD! MINE! NOT HERS! MINE! Yesterday I had spent a little bit of time giving her some pointers on my child's personality. You know, what works and what doesn't, what he does and doesn't respond to. What time he needs to eat, sleep, and how, the activities that are and are not good to attempt with him. She clearly didn't listen to a thing I said because her first activity today was the one thing I said wouldn't be a good idea to attempt with him. Shopping. And her other activities will include visiting her other old friends in their tiny apartments with lots of breakable things where he wants to throw balls and swing bats, and generally be a three year old boy! My vision is of him being a caged wild animal that's expected to behave as a well trained pedigree pet but can't so he's prodded and told "NO!" every 30 seconds. It doesn't scream fun to me. This is his vacation, too!
So I left very shortly after the eye rolling incident (and having made lunch, gathered extra clothes and diapers, etc. for her day with him). Walked to the bus stop and vented on the phone to Wood (even though I probably shouldn't - he's caught in the middle of the two most important women in his life). I feel like she didn't and won't to listen to a thing I said. Like she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm sure that she's not going to do anything the way that we do things with him. She's going to expect him to behave certain ways, but will do all of the grown up things that she wants to do, and then wonder why he's behaving badly. She doesn't (seems to me) to have the skill to understand how to get him to perform the way that he can (because the truth is that he's a really well trained monkey, you just have to know what kind of positive reinforcement and happy snacks he likes!). I feel like I'm not being taken seriously - or even respected - so I also feel like I'm not managing this well.
I'm trying to keep in mind that everyone has their own way. And that kids are different with other people. But HEY - I'm a Mom that knows her kid. I worry about his safety - physical and otherwise. I don't totally trust her. And I'm protective of my child. My only baby. I know she loves him and would never ever do anything to purposefully put him in harms way. We're different and that's okay. He's a very adaptable kid. It's going to be okay. But I'm still having a hard time with it.
Better get back to work now.
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