Self Care

Once upon a time I told my mom that the should start planning for her old age because when she got there she would not be invited to come live with me. The way she saw it, my statement was as an affront, that I didn't like her, perhaps I didn't love her. The way I saw it was that I had lived with her before and know the limits of my personality when mixed with hers. Fast forward about 15 years or so and pretty much 5 minutes after meeting my mother-in-law the same feeling welled up in me something fierce.

And yet, 10 or so years later, I find myself living with my mother-in-law.

What changed?

She did. I did.

I can no longer get on the institutional bandwagon. After spending an entire career supporting people with disabilities and seniors to live in the community, asking either of our mothers to live in an institution when we could semi-reasonably attend to their needs seems a bit hypocritical, no? And frankly, I've grown up a bit and believe that its a monumentally important task and learning opportunity for the parent, the adult children and the grandchild. Intense as it may be - I fully expect for it to be overwhelmingly okay until it's not - it will be one Hell of a learning event. Respect for your elders, familial care/love, self care, circle of life...

In true social worker fashion, I've already identified support groups for caregivers, Alzheimers specific groups, told my husband that he's absolutely REQUIRED to attend (anyone who really know me knows that I demand little beyond basic respect from people), have looked into hiring a housekeeper for the chores, hired a part time caregiver for the non-program days Grammy is home alone, talked with my employer about her needs, and will continue to put necessary pieces in place to make this good for everyone - at least as good as it can be.

I have certainly fallen into my typical coping mechanism patterns of sugar/pastry in all its forms, coffee (periodically), insomnia, and no exercise. I give myself permission to do these things because something's gotta give. NARF is correct, I am not Super Woman (but, achem, I'm pretty freaking awesome in what I do accomplish) and I know I have to take care of my health too! I have a plan, and I will develop it more fully soon. Right. after I plan my weekend away. Oh yeah! I'm going to need my alone time periodically - to cry uncontrollably, sleep, have physical space from people, to not be accessible - to be off "needed" duty for a while. I've known for years in the deep depths of my soul that this time would come. Not the details, but that I would be here and now as a caregiver, that I would have my own set of needs. And way back when I knew that I'd check out of my caregiving duties and into a hotel to relax, recharge, reboot my systems.

No time like the present, right? I think I'll be making that reservation today!