Sponge
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Wonelle
To: Wood
Sent: Friday, May 18, 2007 10:16:08 AM
Subject: ?
Wood - Please take a deep breath and do not take this what I am about to report to you and/or bring up as a personal attack, criticism, or anything else negative. Take it as food for thought, reflection, and as necessary, action. Please remember that we are in this together - we're a team of three now.
Teacher told me about [Twig and] the lollipop issue this morning. She in fact did take his lollipop and throw it away yesterday afternoon. It had to do with behavior again and by behavior she means his general disposition. On his bad days (and they are not constant) he does not listen to the teachers, he hits pushes, kicks, and refuses to share with the other kids, and reacts to most interactions (someone accidentally bumping in to him, requests from other kids to to play, direction from adults) extremely swiftly, very strongly, and with an intense rage that she said she has not really seen in other children before.
This is normal child-like behavior. This is what kids do. However, when she explained to me the specifics of Twig's behavior (especially yesterday's) the way that you and I have been interacting for some time now, flashed before me. I could see him doing it and it reminded me of how we Bicker (Merriam Webster defines Bicker as petulant quarreling) - when we talk we both are quick to respond, we each do so with tone (not humorous), the conversation is often labored, usually intense, and many times angry. Even if it is not meant to be any of those things or if we each do not feel any of those things, that is how Twig is interpreting our interactions. He's taking it all in, processing it in his two year old minds eye, and giving back what he sees as the appropriate way that people respond to and interact with one another.
He is all of those things because he's of us, with us, and programmed (as all children are) to become like us. This is not new information. And neither is the fact that we've been struggling with our own behavior issues in our individual, couple, and parenting lives for a while now. Please shake off that 'I'm such a horrible parent, awful person, bad husband' feeling. Just stop. NOW. You are a good parent, a great person, and a fabulous husband. You are smart, hardworking, loyal, overworked, overburdened, intense, and loved by Twig and me more than you could ever imagine.
Honey, this is a subject I just wanted to bring to our attention for continued pondering. Please don't fret too much on this. It is one of those things that is going to plague us for the rest of our lives - at least for the rest of our lives as parents. Maybe it's even a talking point. Nonetheless, an issue that we both need to consider. We owe it to ourselves, and to our son, to at least try to figure out how to appropriately and effectively adapt our behavior for the betterment of his - now and always.
I love you.
Wonelle
To: Wood
Sent: Friday, May 18, 2007 10:16:08 AM
Subject: ?
Wood - Please take a deep breath and do not take this what I am about to report to you and/or bring up as a personal attack, criticism, or anything else negative. Take it as food for thought, reflection, and as necessary, action. Please remember that we are in this together - we're a team of three now.
Teacher told me about [Twig and] the lollipop issue this morning. She in fact did take his lollipop and throw it away yesterday afternoon. It had to do with behavior again and by behavior she means his general disposition. On his bad days (and they are not constant) he does not listen to the teachers, he hits pushes, kicks, and refuses to share with the other kids, and reacts to most interactions (someone accidentally bumping in to him, requests from other kids to to play, direction from adults) extremely swiftly, very strongly, and with an intense rage that she said she has not really seen in other children before.
This is normal child-like behavior. This is what kids do. However, when she explained to me the specifics of Twig's behavior (especially yesterday's) the way that you and I have been interacting for some time now, flashed before me. I could see him doing it and it reminded me of how we Bicker (Merriam Webster defines Bicker as petulant quarreling) - when we talk we both are quick to respond, we each do so with tone (not humorous), the conversation is often labored, usually intense, and many times angry. Even if it is not meant to be any of those things or if we each do not feel any of those things, that is how Twig is interpreting our interactions. He's taking it all in, processing it in his two year old minds eye, and giving back what he sees as the appropriate way that people respond to and interact with one another.
He is all of those things because he's of us, with us, and programmed (as all children are) to become like us. This is not new information. And neither is the fact that we've been struggling with our own behavior issues in our individual, couple, and parenting lives for a while now. Please shake off that 'I'm such a horrible parent, awful person, bad husband' feeling. Just stop. NOW. You are a good parent, a great person, and a fabulous husband. You are smart, hardworking, loyal, overworked, overburdened, intense, and loved by Twig and me more than you could ever imagine.
Honey, this is a subject I just wanted to bring to our attention for continued pondering. Please don't fret too much on this. It is one of those things that is going to plague us for the rest of our lives - at least for the rest of our lives as parents. Maybe it's even a talking point. Nonetheless, an issue that we both need to consider. We owe it to ourselves, and to our son, to at least try to figure out how to appropriately and effectively adapt our behavior for the betterment of his - now and always.
I love you.
Wonelle
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