Of All The Places...

One of the perks of my job is that I travel for meetings once a month. Nothing too extravagant, it's usually Sacramento. But this month I had the opportunity to drive to Fresno. Yes, to most people it is one of those "Armpit of America" places. I agree with you on many accounts. It's basically rural, it's hot, and it smells like cow dung most of the time. Like many growing suburban places it is a hotbed of Strip-Malls, gas guzzling SUV's, and conservativism. However, despite all of these negative aspects, Fresno has a relatively diverse and large populace (one of the largest populations of Armenian and Hmong live there and Wikipedia says it's among the top 50 most populated cities in the United States), some great architecture, a University, and personal history. So I can't exactly lead the "Fresno is the Armpit of America" band, for as soon as I start traveling South on Interstate 5 from the Altamont Pass, I am immediately taken to fond memories of time spent there.

What? Fond of Fresno?

Part of my Mother's family settled in the Central Valley so I spent a lot of time there as a child. We would spend every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter at least, at The Ranch in Madera or at Jack and Auburn's house right next to the railroad tracks in Fresno. My earliest memories are of Holidays there.

Sunny days playing in stacks of hay and metal work barns full of junk with my favorite boy 'cousins' and twirling in cotton fields in the middle of nowhere until I couldn't stand any more are not faint memories. I clearly remember that I enjoyed the Thanksgiving dinners at the Ranch - It was quite a scene when 20 people would blissfully eat their meal around the pushed together card table, picnic table and pool table covered with plywood and a tablecloth. I clearly remember that when it wasn't dinner time, I worried that there were bugs in the beds, the floor was sloped, and the water was strangely orange colored. But oh, how I loved to chase jack-rabbits and feral kittens all the while believing that I'd actually be able to catch one and pet it.

I remember vividly that when we spent holidays in Fresno the train would wake me several times a night as it passed by the house. I remember being scared to death that Cousin K and I would get caught trying to sneak into the living room where those same 20 people slept on the floor on Christmas Eve to try and get at our stockings early. I can see Easter when we would eat amazing food and then play football on the huge front lawn. And I remember that every Easter I happily sat alone in my Holiday Best in the master bedroom full of food watching the 10 Commandments on Television.

Almost unwittingly, when it was time to go to College, I chose California State University Fresno. It was just far enough away from home that my Mom couldn't just drop in and close enough that I could afford go home if I needed a visit. It was not glamorous and it was inexpensive. Both of which were appealing. And once I got there I learned things about politics, people, race, and myself that I had no clear understanding of before. It was a place where I began to really see the world and myself for what we could be. It was where I began to become one with the True Me.

It has been something like 12 years since I've had reason to visit Fresno. Friends aren't there any more and it's not like the Bay Area. But when I learned that one of my work meetings would be held there, I was excited at the chance to go. Besides, it's spring, and spring is the best time to drive anywhere in the Central Valley, especially in the early morning. I was on the road by 6:30 and it was, and is such a beautiful drive at that time of the day (it doesn't smell like cow dung when it's cool). And the memories were beautiful too, even if I didn't have the time to visit the first place I ever ate Thai Food, the neighborhoods I lived and played in, Campus, or my favorite professor who's still teaching in the Social Work program there. And even though Dolly, the ranch, Jack & Auburn, their house by the railroad tracks, and Christmases don't exist the way they once did, it felt really good to be barreling down down the road alone at 75 mph with my thoughts being interrupted only by the beauty of the landscape and the loud, loud, loud lyrics of Morphine's "Like Swimming" (particularly the track 'Empty Box').

By the end of the day my back hurt really badly from sitting on my ass for 10 hours. But Wood, Twig and I had spent a 4-day, long and arduous Easter weekend in Los Angeles with my Mother in Law just days earlier. The stint of solitude was much welcomed as I needed to 'come down' from that visit. It was chock-full of her crazy innuendos and unspoken expectations that make us all really edgy. Like many, many times before, the drive and visit to Fresno helped make 'it' feel better. My ever present unmet need to be Alone has been adequately, if not only temporarily, fulfilled by a road trip to the "Armpit of America".