Saturday Blues

I wrote a great post from my phone this morning but it got lost before it was published. Since it was before 6am when I was writing, I can't even remember what I wrote about. Our rental property has had me busy most of the weekend. Weatherstripping, nuts and bolts, screwing doors shut. Today was labeling "trash" in the yard (more on the quotation marks later), cleaning up, organizing people to do work, and throwing my back out. Yep, when I was wrestling with the gate my back tweaked and I'm in a not so good way right now. Two Aleve and I'm able to walk, drive, pick up light objects, etc. but lifting my suitcase tomorrow is going to be a bit of a challenge. I'm already planning for asking a lot of strangers for assistance. Being with friends is good. Very, very good. Familiar, warm, comfortable. But being in the city isn't as good as I remember. Drivers are more agressive than I remember, people aren't as warm - heck, half of them don't even look you in the eye. It's a stark transition from the new life we lead in a sleepy small town that has only smatterings of real city life. It's a bit embarrassing, to be so acutely aware of and disgusted by how focused I feel I have to be here. How so much of what is good about the city that I love is also so bad about it. How soft we've become in our new environment. I run at 5am, in the dark, alone. And I don't feel afraid. I'm aware that I probably should be afraid. That if I were in Oakland I wouldn't even consider running alone in the dark. At any time of the day. I just remembered what this mornings post was about: Cold - how I was not warm and fuzzy with my tenant during this signing of the new lease. How my voice waivered and crackled in the beginning but after a few minutes of her not engaging I was able to move through the process as quickly as possible. How thought, I didn't leave anything unturned - every light switch, every lock, every faucet was tested. Every everything (mostly) was documented. I wasn't mean but I was cold. You know that saying "you