Tuckered...

I'm not angry anymore. It's interesting what a bit of time can do. Well, time and a good temper-tantrum.

Wood has agreed to give up a bit of responsibility in one thing in order to take on some more in another. Apparently I will not even notice the other (newest) obligation as meetings will take place during the workday.

Fine. Really; in my heart of hearts I know he wants to partake in additional activities that will improve his professional standing. And in all honesty, I want to support that. It's just hard to adjust to the changes.

What is a real struggle lately is the rage - yes, an unadulterated and fierce rage - emanating from our most adorable 4.5 year old. We aren't sure exactly where it comes from but when it does, it's complete with running, throwing, hitting, kicking, spitting, and biting. It's generally directed at me. It's generally something that lasts longer than I have energy for. And it's an emotional roller coaster.

My reproductive dreams aren't recurring lately. They are quelled by my husband's seeming unwillingness to discuss the subject of a 'numero dos' and the anger of Twig; the fear that we don't have what it takes to manage him as it is, and the wonder that surfaces sometimes after our super-duper intense start-and-stop-on-a-dime battles with him: will the bi-polar disorder my father had be present in the life of my offspring?

At the same time I feel stronger than I've felt in a while. My asthma which has been terribly out of control for months now seems to be responding to new medication. My husband seems to be in sync with his feelings of wanting to move on from his current employer - and willing to act on those feelings. I've been working out a few times a week - even lost 17 lbs (only about 17 more to go) - and my back pain seems to be a bit less intense.

But I'm beat. More literally than otherwise. I wonder if tomorrow there will be bruises on my face or simply remnants of my bruised ego. I'm gonna sleep on it and get back to you later.