Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The Plunge

The pain I've been experiencing for some time now has reached its tipping point. Third visit to the doctor in less than a year for continuing leg pain and now joint pain feels a bit hopeless. Hopeless isn't the right word but it's all that comes to mind.

It's an antidepressant and is very often used to treat myalgia, in this case, the diagnosis. And you, my dear readers, are well aware that depression could possibly be the culprit as well. I openly admitted to the doctor that depression is a real likely thing. If I'm honest, it's probably *the* thing - I'm farther down the rabbit hole of disinterest, doing less than the bare minimum at home and squandering any free time I do have with tv or listening to stories or isolating myself than I can remember ever being before. Seeing it here is kinda frightening and forces me away from discounting it by saying "I'm not hopeless, or suicidal or feeling horrible all the time". On the other hand I'm not enjoying much. I'm sitting back watching life busy doing it's thing. There are some great moments for sure but moreover I feel disconnected and a bit numb. Yeah, that's *the thing* called depression, isn't it?

First dose of Effexor today. I noticed dry mouth and a headache.

I agreed to take the lowest possible dose and see if it works. Just like the IUD, if I don't like it or it doesn't work for me, I'll stop. It's quite simple, really.

I'll keep you posted.

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