Monday, October 6, 2014

Yes means Yes

I've kept a secret for 20 years. As in, haven't told anyone. Ever. Until today.

A little bit of shame was released in telling my best friend, Wood, that when I was a young undergrad, doing political work, I traveled across the state as a representative for my school, and what happened to me one weekend away.

The people I "worked" with had connections to other people that had come before us. Whenever there were opportunities to do so, the generations were connected.

I was "connected " to a guy who had a "big man on campus" type of reputation. One of those people that others either really liked or really didn't like. I didn't have any information at the time, except that my people really liked him.

For this particular weekend trip, my people asked if he could share my hotel room. I agreed. I'm supportive like that.

When he was in my hotel room, in my bed, and it was time to sleep, he didn't want to sleep. I didn't say "Yes", I didn't say "No".

He raped me.

I took the morning after pill as soon as I could once I got back to campus.  And told no one. It wasn't violent, it was a violation. One that I should have had the voice to say no to. I was ashamed to have agreed to let him stay in my room. It could have been prevented. By me.

So. There it is.


Jo Hammers said...

We don't really know how to help others unless we have been there. When I was young, I met a minister and my story is similar. I applaud you for finding your voice. I am 70. It took me 40 years, and everyone in my family has wondered why I am not fond of ministers. Thank you for sharing. Jo Hammers the Mystic - check out my blog -

Paula said...

hard stuff. let it breathe.